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5 Minute Management Course > > > > > > > > Lesson 1: > > A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is > finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. > > > > > The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs > downstairs. > > > When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door > neighbor. > > > Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you > $800 to drop that towel.' > > > After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and > stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands > her $800 and leaves. > > > The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back > upstairs. > > > > When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who > was that?' > 'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies. > 'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything > about the $800 he owes me?' > Moral of the story: If you share critical information > pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in > time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable > exposure. > > Lesson 2: > A priest offered a Nun a lift. > She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal > a leg. > The priest nearly had an accident. > After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up > her leg. > The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' > The priest removed his hand But, changing gears, he let his > hand slide up her leg again. > The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm > 129?' > The priest apologized 'Sorry, sister, but the flesh is > weak.' > Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on > her way. > On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up > Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you > will find glory.' > Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your > job, you might miss a great opportunity. > > Lesson 3: > A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are > walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. > They rub it and a Genie comes out. > The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one > wish.' > 'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I > want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a > care in the world.' > Puff! She's gone. > 'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want > to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal > masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of > my life.' > Puff! He's gone. > 'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager. > > The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office > after lunch.' > Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first > say. > > Lesson 4 > An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. > A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also > sit like you and do nothing?' > The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.' > So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and > rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the > rabbit and ate it. > Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you > must be sitting very, very high up. > > Lesson 5 > A turkey was chatting with a bull. > 'I would love to be able to get to the top of that > tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the > energy.' > 'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my > droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with > nutrients.' > The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually > gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the > tree. > The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the > second branch. > Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly > perched at the top of the tree. > He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of > the tree. > Moral of the story: Bull Shit might get you to the top, but > it won't keep you ther> Lesson 6 > A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so > cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large > field. > While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some > dung on him. > As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he > began to realize how warm he was. > The dung was actually thawing him out! > He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for > joy. > A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to > investigate. > Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the > pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him. > Morals of the story: > (1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy. > (2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend. > (3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep > your mouth shut!