417406's blog: "Jeremy's Blog"

Wow today has to be the most happiest day of my life! I married my beautiful new wife today. I knew from the first day that I met her that I would marry her and now 8 years later it has finally become reality. My life is starting to look up. I start a great new job on Monday, I am back in school and now have a great new family. Life is great!!

I've been pushed down so many times I feel this time will be the last as I lay here fading my thoughts are invaded by memories of my past I feel the pressures of shame and rejection building as I lay here on the floor I have no strength to get up I'm not worth it any more

I Know...

Should be launching my new site later today.....Keep your eye open for it!! PROFILERZ.NET

I hate people grrrr Desolation, Wide open space, Between the trees and me, Emptiness and me, Confusion and decisions, Feelings hard to define, And I say to myself, Just a little longer, Coldness seeps Its way in, I am falling deeper, Into what I fear most, As I reach out, There is nothing there, As possible there was something once, Only to be gone, And I say to myself, Just a little longer, The sun drops, The last inch of light falls, The squirrels more likely to be huddled up, But not me, Something I never possessed, And I say to myself, Just a little longer, Then the sun has gone, Darkness spreads its wings over me, I see nothing so no one sees me, Feeling of bitterness only, And I say to myself, Just a little longer, An Owl peers down, With question in her eyes, She doesn't have a hope, In helping me, As she doesn't see my pain, Spreads her wings, Passes me by, And I say to myself, Just a little longer, The soft earth, Seems the only thing holding me up, Even then I could slip, And wondering takes me, To why and how I got here, Without even knowing it, Yet no one notices, As they didn't see before, So I say to myself, Just a little longer, Shimmering in the darkness, I see two moons, Reflecting off a stream of thoughts, Ongoing forever more, Along a rocky road, Slowly giving in to finding a way out, I take the plunge under the river, Then the wind carries a whisper, Gently on a breeze, 'Just a little longer.'

I'm swimming all alone in a pool of darkness and I feel like darkness is slowly pulling me under I yell for help but no one is there to hear it I begin to see the water at eye level and I kick and flail fighting to stay above the darkness But the darkness won't let go of its hold on me and I slowly begin to give in to the feeling that lies below the water line the waters starts to fill my lungs the lungs that once held so much life yet now they allow the murky water to replace that I know that this path doesn't lead to happiness But why doesn't someone grab my hand pull me from darkness's grasp? because no one knows I stand at the boundary the boundary between light and dark so I give in to the thing that holds me All of the strength and all of the courage that I once held in my heart can't save me from the water So I slowly slip below the world of conscientiousness undetected by the occupants of that world I don't want to fight anymore I've given into darkness

Im so tired of women. I try to be sweet and just get stepped on all the time. So am done with them. There is no such thing as an honest one. I just dont get it...I like to think im somewhat attractive... I dont lie I dont cheat and I would do anything for anyone. It just doesnt make sense. Im just better off in my own little world and not with anyone. I waited for your love in hope, That ours would come again, And make me feel the things I felt, When we were one, back then. But time and distance have erased, The things I wished anew, And now I find myself alone, Though I am here with you. What good is love, that does not touch, What good is love, that gives you pain. What good is love, that makes you run, And makes you lost out in the rain. I traveled to another world, Out far beyond the one we knew, I thought that I could live again, And now I find I'm back with you. But what of hearts that beat as one, And what of passion and embrace, Is it too much to ask of you, To make these tears of mine erase. What good is love, that does not touch, What good is love, that gives you pain. What good is love, that makes you run, And makes you lost out in the rain. Too painful this - to journey back, To times of love and laughter free, The times we lay together with A sense of you , a sense of me. So now, I journey on alone, Forever wandering, in my thoughts, And I shall ask you once again, What good is love.

The face of disappointment reflects back from a blank screen, Faded memories of a love that I had once before seen, Foolish yes, foolish no, never really sure where this person wants to go. I've given my best, I've given my all, and yet in return my heart's left to Fall. A whim and on grace, it's torn from this place that I've hidden before. I can't touch it, can't see it, but please still believe it? What trusts must I be burdened to hold, while my heart grows so cold? No hint of desire, no thoughts to conspire my reverence is forced to behold. Not captive, not free, what place would this be? Not heaven, not earth, not joy and not mirth, Sheer terror, and dread whirl 'round in my head. No warm comforting kisses, no "I love you", no "I miss's" Just bleed me, and lead me around on this string, No consequences, no regrets, no thoughts of effects, Nothing, but fading into shadowy absences. What life is this? What place is this? What feeling is THIS that you share? How do you dare? You dictate my words, the things that you've heard, the choice of my voice, and Yes, my love What right have you? Whose words have commanded from above? Who are you? What are you? Incomprehensibly, the one I love.

Ok so I have this report due on the movie "Crash" monday morning. Ive watched it 3 times now and of course get that it basically is about racism and an ignorant society. For the most part. I was just wondering if anyone has ever seen the movie and could offer their views and what it meant to them. Thanks! Jeremy