Jeff Foxworthy:
Upstate New York
If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through
36 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Upstate New York.
If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96
nights a year because Saranac Lake is the coldest spot in the
nation, and Syracuse gets more snow than any other
major city in the US, you might live in Upstate, NY.
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from October through May,
you might live in Upstate New York.
If you instinctively walk like a penguin for six months out of the year,
you might live, bundled up, in Upstate New York.
If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance,
and they don't work there, you might live in Upstate NY.
If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Upstate New York.
If you have worn shorts and a parka on the same day,
you might live in Upstate New York.
If you have had a lengthy phone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number,
you might live in Upstate New York.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE UPSTATE NEW YORKER WHEN:
"Vacation" means going South past Syracuse for the weekend.
You measure distance in hours.
You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.
You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again.
You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard,
without flinching.
You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend/wife knows how to use them.
You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction.
You can identify a southern or eastern accent.
Down South to you means Corning.
Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new shed!
You go out for a fish fry every Friday.
Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
You find 10 degrees "a little chilly."
You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your
Upstate New York friends and to those who used to live here and left.
(Chickens!)
