LIZ's blog: "Jaded"

Long ago, far away, once a night, twice the day, the end so near, of love and war, knowing not what we’re fighting for. Darkness here sadness still, deafness forever without the will Hope eternal love is blessed, like the warmth of a lover with his sweet caress. Less than gone, still not dead, burning memories within my head, Want to stop this pain inside, to finally remove the knife that I can’t hide. Want to hate, want to fall, want to risk losing it all. Want to love, to hope, and fear, even though no one will hear.

Its really up to us wat we do with our lifes. we may have been Battered, beaten, molested , incested, spoiled, or over indulged. all of us have feelings and memories that we need to work through. None of us have perfect families. in fact dysfunctional families are of the norm for the society. The question for us is how have our experiences affected us and wat we need to do to learn from our experiences, to work through those lessons. Integrate them in to our being... turn them over and just move on...? When we get stuck in our blame, anger, and denial... we are the ones who suffer. its up to us to make good out of bad rubbish.

unholy thoughts of despiration forgotten by dark thoughts of greed so grim this despiration more is all u need her icy grip around your throat so inviting her touch so willing to let go so willing to give up kiss the blade of her work as she lowers it upon your life now you fly with a million damned souls but not alone anymore

Ages past now and time without meaning Eternity and two thousand years have not mellowed the feeling Life’s greatest mystery carved in stone as strong Blessing bestowed upon the world before so long In all this earthly and celestial meld Cult of one thing from the beginning still held Hate’s as proud, this foul creature Plagued this Saint, the mainest feature Great as such still has come to reap Meant for peace our days to keep Forever the sight of doom, the dream of breath Truth now is – our love is Death Sleeping ground, graves’ reigning beauty Worlds extinguished – life’s ending duty Dread it was and love’s as hate Upon these days of crying fate Killer vicious, missing just Yearning though to return to the dust Jury decided guilty – comes the most cruel None as horridly evil as this last rule Quite the good received an Earth Only evolution lacked a mirth Screaming loud with all our wrath Most precious gift though is the Poetry of Death

Alas, my blindfold has been removed just so i can see it soaked with tears and blood to see my heart lying bear and open for all to see mangled and crushed why does nobody help me up after i've collapsed as i strugle to stand up why does nobody help me as i put myself through more pain and torment over and over again memorys of looking down the barrel of a gun violently come into focus i look back at all the happy times we had together and my eyes begin to burn i'm standing infront of you screaming at the top of my lungs screaming, i love you but you dont even look up tell me the news that i heard isnt true and dont lie i dont know how much more strain this already failing heart can handle before it fails and i turn my back on you and walk away and let my love die with you as i hand you the shards of my broken heart it was more yours than mine anyways

theres a war inside in the battlefield of my brain shall i stand and fight or will it drive me insain? Im a rebel if you dont like it get out of my way you tell me your the future well the future is far away this is me this is now this is war i can feel you all around me all righteous , not a doubt well its time to chose a wepon cause now im commin out raise my head above the muck take my aim, your out of luck But .... i drop the gun and duck ... cause the enemy ... the face i see ... is ME ...

all my life i have thought to myself ... what are you going to do next... what is going to come next in this life that is so randomly delt out to you ? i feel like i will never know what is exactly going to happen... and then the phone rings... someone tells you that you are going to have to do this ... wear this ... act like this... I was not ready for this kind of transaction in my life ... i wasnt ready to become so dead to the world around me. i think to myself sometime ... what if this happen ... what if that didnt happen, would i still be in the situation that i am in ? i think not .. by my personal belief.i feel like was delt my hand as becoming a failure before i even knew it. i was raised to be the way that i am like it or not i am and always will be.. just, me ... sometimes i want to sit and scream "I WANT OUT!" i want out of this ... life that im living so irresponceably. i want some one else to control it .. tell me what i am and am not to do maybe that will teach me. so yeah here i am.. learning from my mistakes .. unfortunatly .. im having o live with them in the worst way EVER! with my parents right there by my side to make up some rule or more rules and say that that is their law and not to break it along with not being able to live my life i think that i need to sleep... my head hurts .... so until tomorrow..

I look back At what I had And it amounts to nothing How I wanted to hold you in my arms But never could How I wanted you to look at me In the same way But never a glance So I turned my head And then I gave up But then I saw a glimmer A little sliver of hope A ray of perfect sunshine So I looked up And there you stood Elegant and beautiful Like always But all I have is dreams Fantasies to play back in my mind You have no idea how much You’ve already helped me Just by being you Through those long days A simple thought that saves me from insanity You make me want to be A better person And for that I’m eternally grateful So I will wait And stand there with my head up Waiting for my angel To look again And smile

the world is on your shoulders and how will you cope ? by taking another drink or simply doing dope. a child starves in africa, in their eyes the world is never seen never knowing life for what it is not even knowing how to dream people die everyday going through so much pain but over the smallest things ... we complain count your blessings someone gave you a choice .. if you make the wrong desisions... maybe your listening to the wrong voice...

Precious burden I capture deep inside. What would my life be without pain in me? Rely on what you need, devour what you feed. Cause what I try to breed is me in you. There's no one else to blame, this is my favorite pain And all I want to gain is myself in you I don't know why but it's the best way to die You are the trigger and my deepest desire I'm loosing you but you will always be mine Promise me now that you will enter my mind