I NEVER THOUGHT THAT I WOULD GET TO THIS POINT.... WHERE I HAVE SO MUCH STUCK INSIDE OF ME THAT IM WILLING TO GIVE UP ON IT ALL..... LOVE ... LIFE . ITS JUST SO HARD FOR ME TO UNDERSTAND ALL OF THIS... I FIGURED THAT IF WHAT IVE BEEN THROUGH HAS NOT KILLED ME THIS WONT HARM ME AT ALL ... BUT IT IS... IM LETTING MYSELF GO.... I TRY TO WALK WITH MY HEAD UP HIGH.... SMILE ON MY FACE... BUT AS SOON AS I GET HOME I SEARCH FOR DARKNESS WHERE NO ONE CAN SEE ME .. .NO ONE CAN HEAR ME .... WHERE IF I CRY NO ONE SEES THE TEARS IN MY EYES... AND IF I SCREAM NO ONE KNOWS WHY.
IVE REACHED THE END OF MY ROPE AND I FEEL LIKE NO ONE IS AT THE OTHER END OF IT TO PULL ME UP...... I FEEL THIS KNOT IN MY THROAT... I TEND TO SUCK IT UP ... AND IGNORE THAT FEELING ... BUT TODAY ..I WANT TO LET GO.... I WAN TO SCREAM AND I WANT ANSWERS TO EVERYTHING. I WANT TO KNOW WHY ? BUT WHATS THE USE? I AM WRONG FOR QUESTIONING GOD.... AND I CANT COMPLAIN BECAUSE I CANT GET NO WHERE IF I DO.
IVE REACHED THE END OF MY ROPE AND IM WILLING TO LET GO..... BECAUSE I KNOW I HAVE NO SHOULDER TO LEAN ON ...... NO EAR TO LISTEN TO ME EXPRESS MY EMOTIONS..... AND WITHOUT THAT WHAT DO I HAVE? LIFE? IF WHAT I HAVE IS CALLED LIFE ... I DONT WANT IT...... BECAUSE LIFE WITHOUT LOVE IS NOTHING.
I FEEL EMBARRASED.... BETRAYED.... CONFUSED.... DONT KNOW WHO TO BELIEVE ANYMORE... LIKE I SAID I DONT TAKE OUT WHAT ANOTHER PERSON DID TO ME ON ANYONE ... BUT HOW IS THIS WOUND IN MY HEART GOING TO HEAL IF IT KEEPS ON GETTING CUT