my boyfriend thinks i like a bunch of my friends and i do of course but not in the way he thinks. i care about my friends because they have been there for me for a lot of things and i worry about them because they are like my family. we went to a rave a couple days ago and before the rave he wasso worried that id come home and tell hi that i hooked up with someone or even worse that i had hooked up with someone and was going to keep it from hime i got angry a couple of times and i laughed it off a couple other times because i knew that this was someone i really cared about and that i wouldnt do anything like that even if i had been under the influence of anything. so we went and i think he had a blast i sure hope he did .. and i had a blast ohh and also our friend and roomate joe went it was so kool we got to share so many things together hugs and smiles and music and laghter and lightshows and i told joe that when he becomes a dad we should all go on a vacation and just have fun like a strange little family and i told my boyfriend how handsome he was/ is and how much i really care about him ... i talked to a couple kool ravers they were all interesting but no one i really liked or anythinng other than just a friend way... the entire night people kept coming ove and talking to me and id talk them not be rude or anything i mean it is a fun happy event but the whole time all ikpt looking over at jesse he looked so fucking awsome and really happy i love seeing him happy. he was in the spotlight putting smiles on peoples faces and making people feel good it was soo kool to see because he looked like a giant little kid my friends from highschool and work came and we all had a blast and he even hung out withthem and got a long and had fun despite someof the things that had gone on in the past with them it was sooo great and it made me soo happy to see all of them together. and when he'd go to get us water and it was just joe and i . i told joe probably two or three times the same thing i always tell him about the man i care so much about ( what did you think id actually tell you? nice try ) i also told taylor and wentch when i was wtching him give a light show and they both smiled and laughed.the first time i told joe what i said he didnt beleive me cause i wasnt sober and two days later i told him the same thing and he said wow i thought you were just intoxicated and i said i was but i meant everything i said . he swore he wouldnt say a word and even if he does its ok cause i want jesse to know and hell hear me say it one day even if it is a long time from now hahah i danced with my friend hector and some chick he was kissing jesse danced a little with me it was nice but i wish we had a chance to dance more together. he expected me to have a crush on someone but the only one i crushed was him ... i told a bunch of girls they looked pretty it was soo silly and most of them were extremly beatiful i wish i was perdy like people i see sometimes hahah and throughout the night id see people dancing together and i go up and push them closer together and they would lookat me kinda wierd or scared at first and then it would turn into a smile and theyd get closer id run my fingers through there hair just to make thm feel good and want to get closer to each other because it feels incredible it was like an orgy of music and friends it was awsome and when the night had turned to a purple ,pink orange and blue morning we werent ready to say good bye or lert it end and we a litte bit sad that it was time to go but at the same time i was happy cause i got to go home and snuggle and dance with the one person in the whole world i wanted to be with the entire night and one of the most awsome things about that night wqs our special hug hahaha run a jump and hug a spin and, warm skin and kool air and hands everywhere it was suchan awsome feeling ..and as sad as the idea is if it doesnt end up working out well always have a couple of really really good moments..Thank you so much for everything
