Today I’ve decided that I’m going to go off on a few things. I don’t mean that clown we have for a president or Iraq or any other relevant issue in today’s world. No, instead I’m going to skewer Moby Dick, Pam And Kid Rock, Elizabeth Taylor and a few others. As always feel free to tell me what an ass I am at the end lol.
1. Moby Dick: Now for those of you who don’t know what Moby Dick is (my guess is there are very few who do) It is the story of a man who sets out to avenge a leg he lost to a WHITE SPERM whale named Moby DICK. Am I the only one that finds it hilarious that they can use the words Sperm and Dick in the same sentence and with a straight face tell us that there is absolutely no sexual innuendo at all? Seriously, the last book I saw that had those two words in the same sentence also had another problem…the pages were stuck together. Either Herman Melville had a freudian thing for whales or he was trying to play the biggest practical joke in the history of practical jokes. Too bad the book was as boring as he was.
2. Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock are getting divorced…again. Wonderful. This makes my day complete. If there is anyone in this world who changes their mind more then this brainiac please keep them away from me. It’s bad enough that this woman has wasted millions on t.v. shows that only served to help the plastic surgery industry grow but now she is aiming to break Liz Taylor’s marriage record. Look, I have no problem with divorce in fact I think it’s better to get a divorce then to spend your life with someone you’d rather kill then kiss. That being said, when Vegas starts to place odds on whether your marriage succeeds or not It’s time to step away from the altar.
3. Speaking of knowing when to say when, I think it’s about time Liz Taylor starts banging the pool boy instead of wasting her time trying to marry him. As I said earlier I’m all for divorce provided that’s the best route, but when you get divorced 8 times my guess is that there is a message mixed in somewhere with all those lawyer bills. The thing I don’t understand is that people still married her even after her 6th divorce. Here’s my take 1-3 times is pretty standard but when you run into someone who has been divorced 6-7 times does it register that maybe there is a reason for that? For those of you who read this and have been divorced 6 times or more I will expect the death threats within the hour!
4. The Rolling Stones: Millions of years ago a creature walked the earth that had the presence of a God. It’s name? Mick Jagersaurus Rex. I was never a huge Stones fan but I did like some stuff and when I was a kid I thought Mick Jager was the epitome of cool. Fast forward 27 years and Im trying to figure out how it is these guys arent in a nursing home somewhere. The other day I went to a lecture titled “When Dinosaurs Walked the Earth” It turned out to be a lecture on the history of the Rolling Stones. I know fans are passionate about their favorite bands and I know that bands are passionate about their fans but when you step foot on stage with oxygen tank in tow it’s time to hang up the support stockings as well as the guitar.
Michael Richards a.k.a Kramer and his racial rant: I expect to get shot for saying what I’m about to say. The above topics were all done in fun and for entertainment but I’m sick of the whining that has followed this. I’m not going to make excuses for what he said because he was wrong in saying it. That being said back the fuck off!!! He has apologized and he’s more then likely a closet racist. But lets be honest here had it been Chris Rock that had gone off on a racial rant people would say it was “edgy” and “entertaining.” Dropping N-bombs on black men or women is a dumb thing to do. You have to have freaking rocks in your head to do it. However, let’s not pretend that this is just about one guy. Let’s face it if every human being on this planet was blue instead of white, black, or brown there would still be people that would discriminate based on height. It’s in our nature to hate each other. You cant tell me that it wasn’t irony that John Lennon was gunned down. I hate/love people based on their personalities. Skin color has nothing to do with it. I don’t care if you are purple or candy apple red if I like you I will keep you as a friend for life if I don’t then I wont. This guy made a remark about skin color and it was a stupid if not ignorant thing to say however fighting hatred with hatred is not the way to get ahead. Take it for face value. The guy is a bonehead and everyone in America knows it. There’s no reason to go around stating your hatred because all that’s going to do is, as history says, fuel the fire. I know a lot of you don’t give a shit about history but I’ve paid attention to it and ya know what? It’s true what they say…you can learn a lot from history…take that how you will I’m just one man giving my opinion. If it’s any consolation I believe that anyone who judges a person based solely on skin color is an idiot.
