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I’m tired.

 I’m tired of the whole online thing. I’m tired of being alone and unemployed.  Unfortunately there’s nothing I can do about the later 2 but the 1st is going to be easy to rectify.  Sure I’ve spoken to a great group of people here on fubar. The problem lies in the fact they are a million miles away, or in disappointing marriage or relationship. I have become the virtual big shoulder to cry on. I wish I could be  like every other swinging dick on fu and have a 1 track mind. Maybe I should. Maybe I shouldn’t listen to you prattle on how your hubby cheated on you and stole your furniture. Or your failed marriage. Or how you messed up with some guy at work and now are feeling guilty.

 But I say nothing…other than offering words of encouragement. Where’s my fucking encouragement? Where’s the “I know what you are going through my friend”.  These are the same people that virtually pounce on me when I get online. Annelid’s here…let me tell him about my day. And I listen like a fucking idiot. I’ve always been like this and I’m sure I will be like this until my dying day. My dream (and boy do I have a lot of them) is too really tell people the way I feel but I don’t. Why? Easy because I’ve been on the other end and I know how it feels to be told to piss off. So like a good little lemming I say nothing, offering my insights and all. Those days are quickly coming to an end. There’s little to no incentive to “nice” anymore. And why should I? So I can spend 2 hours sitting at the computer reading about how bad things are for you?  My life sucks too.  And what do I get after a 2 hour session? A ripping headache and sore shoulders.

The sheer stupidity of some people I’ve met online boggles the mind. I wonder how you can function on a day to day basis without walking into a wall or using a drool cup.

Don’t get me wrong. I’ve chatted with some excellent people on fubar. You know who you are. Then I’ve met some people who have hurt me deeply (a different blog for a different day). When me and the “excellents” talk it’s great. Sure, we’re online but I can imagine us sitting somewhere chatting over a cup of joe (or tea in my case) and caring nothing for the time.

Time and distance are two things that I loathe. Distance especially. I talk to you daily (or semi daily) and I love it. We click. What I don’t like is the distance…literally distance ie your so far from me and I from you.  Doesn’t it pain you knowing that all we’re going to have is this? Fubar chats? It hurts me. But then again live hurts me and I trudge on. I guess I should do what I planned from the get go….spend less and less time on fubar (and online in general) and you’ll forget about me (and I you) and our lives can go on. You’ll meet someone close to you , fall in love and things will be great. As for me, I’ll meet nobody, not be happy about it but I’ll be used to the loneliness. You build up a certain resistance to these things after a while or so I’ve been told.

 

 

 

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