I have decide that the reason that I am still not in any kind of a relationship has got to be me. I thought that I was ready to start dating again after I got back home but I guess I wasn't really. Also I have been attracting alot of no good for nothings lately and I'm starting to get tired of the bullshit. I don't really want to be single anymore but I'm tired of looking. Most of my friends are either married or in relationships, so therefore I have no one to go out with to find new dating options. It sucks. I now have an idea of why I stayed in a crappy relationship for 4 years...........because dating SUCKS especially when you are like me, shy around people you don't know and not likely to be the first to start a conversation with someone you think is interesting.
And the transfer at my job and her boyfriend playing kissy face in front of everyone does not help things. The two of them make them sick. I'll admit that I may even be a little bit jealous. Seeing the two of them makes me realize some of what I'm missing. It also causes me to feel like there is no hope for me. I have 3 failed engagements in my past, nothing remotely promising in my present and the possibility of following in my moms footsteps and being 37 when I finally get married in my future.......and the idea of that scares me. And makes me sad. I don't want that. I want to be a part of a couple and be able to make someone as happy as they make me. When will my chance for this come? I don't know. Does anybody else have the answer?
