Ok.. So here is the situation.. I have quit my job. More on that later. In the meantime, I have all my tax information and registry information ready to go for college. Oh, I am going back to school. More on that later.
The conundrum... I am too late for FAFSA to approve my grant before fall quarter starts. I can start in the fall provided I come up with around 1500 bucks. So, I am posting this in search of odd jobs; really, any job, that you would be willing to pay me for. I am willing to work hourly, by the job, or whatever other scheme we can come up with as long as it is cash.
I am good with computers, plumbing, and yard work. If you need a lawn mowed, something cleaned, raked, a sink unclogged, a drain fixed, a roof re-shingled, a WoW character power leveled, a fence built, or whatever you can think of; I'll do. Pass the word along and let me know if you need anything.
I wrote this Wednesday night when I first woke up.
Something happened this morning.
I remember waking up with a earth splitting headache and the back of my eyes burned. I can remember getting in the shower hoping it would just get rid of the headache. When I got out, it was still there, and it started to get worse. I thought then that I was dehydraded. So I went down stairs and got a tall glass of water. I slowly began to drink it when it hit me like a ton of bricks.
I was laying on the couch and my vision got blurry and my nose started to bleed. I ran upstairs to the bathroom and vomited. I couldn’t see so I shut the lights off, I started to hyperventilate and I yelled for Nuke. He ran upstairs and I told him to get me the phone. About 5 minutes later he brought it in and I called Josh. Then I called Mom. I remember josh giving me something to drink. And then two pills, and that’s it.
The right side of my head throbs and I cannot feel from the top of my right face all the way down to my neck, and it is incredibly hard to think or concentrate. I know I have typing errors, but I can’t seem to fix them. I can't find my phone and I can't find ,y glasses.
It’s now 6.40 pm?
What happened?
The pain..
It comes in waves..
Each one is as if my insides were being torn and twisted around.
My eyes well up with tears. I become blind.
I try to scream, but I realize I'm not breathing.
There is this cold shroud over me.
There's nothing but blackness on my mind.
Is it seething hate? Is it anger?
Do I succumb to the will that is not mine?
I'm dying inside.
There's a pit in my soul that's nearly all but eaten me away.
The hand of Fate cannot be forced this time.
I'm broken.
I'm beaten.
I've run out of will to live.
She seems dressed in all of me
Stretched across my shame
All the torment and the pain
leak through and covered me
I'd do anything to have her to myself
Just to have her for myself
Now I don't know what to do
I don't know what to do
When she makes me sad
She is everything to me
The unrequited dream
A song that no one sings
The unattainable
Shes a myth that I have to believe in
All I need to make it real is one more reason
And I don't know what to do
I don't know what to do
When she makes me sad
But I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
(x 3)
I catch in my throat
Choke
Torn into pieces
I won't......No
I don't want to be this
But I won't let this build up inside of me
(won't let this build up inside of me)
I won't let this build up inside of me
(won't let this build up inside of me)
I won't let this build up inside of me
(won't let this build up inside of me)
I won't let this build up inside of me
(won't let this build up inside of me......won't let this build up inside of me)
(sheee)
She isn't real
(won't let this build up inside of me)
I can't make her real
(won't let this build up inside of me)
She isn't real
(won't let this build up inside of me)
I can't make her real
(won't let this build up inside of me)