Icarus's blog: "Hurts to watch."

My styrofoam cup from a month ago is vibrating to the beat.
It's making a pretty damn cool sound.
Gramma says if I keep losing weight I'll just be a shadow.

... she fell down again.

But

the real problem is
I'm starting to think phase 1.
We're past R/D now. And... I'm losing her in the chaos.
there's some rollover that has to happen.
Some damage control I guess.
Seeing as how she's across the building now.

I'll work something out, I always do.
-_-
meanwhile my dog is totally eating snow. She's not supposed to be. I don't wanna take her out to pee at 4 in the morning.

So I work out phase 1. The phase I was in prior. Can't eavesdrop on her and tardsy boyfriend any more, and there's a new blockage since she's reconnecting with her sister while she's at work.

She's less available to talk to on break.

I don't have to come up with it
right
now
but I do have a minute.

Then there's phase 2.

"so how does this all work out"

"you stay with your rich muscley boyfriend and remain my unobtainable muse to which all women will be measured by and never live up to"

"of course."

"same time tomorrow?"

"I'll be there."

I don't get it. I'm more mature. More eloquent, more artistic, and I have that old fashioned charm. And those are just the attributes I can PROVE and not surmise.

She should just walk right up to me some day and say
"why the hell haven't you asked me to run away with you yet?"

... everyone else's girlfriend does.

Hah
ha...
that was seriously my christmas break.

Another question
how the HELL is he pulling the bank he's pulling?

...

we'll put that in the smolder pile for later.

So that's phase 2.
and it is terrifying.

Phase 3
book of poems
GTO
new city
much much much much much better job.

...

I'd really like to keep her in the plan but that's all purely dependent on phase 2 now isn't it?

This much time has passed, I've inched this far
and despite how dependent all my other goals are on my effort, and despite how much longer I've had them
she's still the god damn priority.

Sometimes you see that pair of shoes in the window when your credit card's maxed, or that diamond floating in lava,

you kinda lose yourself to that unobtainable.

Someone noodle this one for me. And not in the "move on dude" capacity, but rather the "here's the foolproof plan". I'll give you a dollar.