Jenni's blog: "?"

Isn't it great that you can go from happy to crap in such a short time? I think God or the higher power or whoever created humans has a great sense of humor....not really, but it sounds good...... I found myself praying the other night that someone would just cut my feelings totally out of me. I think it would be the best thing for me at this point, at least I wouldn't let people hurt me and I wouldn't care if someone just trompled the shit out of my heart and move on. I can't stand the fact that I can let someone affect me the way that they do, and take me from one extreme to another in a short time.... I know i will be happy again sometime, but this is the period that I freakin hate the most....the period that says hey, you are a freakin failure once again... Then the next question is why bother at all? And why the hell do I question myself when I know its not always me that us messing shit up? I guess I am just as bad as the women who stay in abusive relationships because they believe they can't do any better or the women that blame themselves when their S/O cheats on them.... It is so much easier to put the blame on yourself than it is to blame others...there has got to be something wrong with me, because that is the only possibility, right? I feel as like I am wandering through life with my eyes half closed, not being able to stop putting blind trust into others, and only building myself up to get hurt in the long run....maybe someday I will wake up, but right now, I will continue on with my crappy day....