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EVER SINCE I WAS A KID, I'VE ALWAYS HAD A FEAR OF SOME BASTARD UNDER MY BED AT NIGHT. SO I WENT TO A SHRINK AND TOLD HIM:
'I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's some prick under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.' 'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' said the shrink. 'Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears...' 'owmuch do you charge?' 'Eighty dollars per visit,' replied the doctor. 'I'll sleep on it,' I said. Six months later the doctor fluked me on the street. 'Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?' he asked. 'Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! The bloke at the pub cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought a new ute!' 'Is that so!' With a bit of an attitude he said, 'and how, may I ask, did a barman cure you?' 'He told me to cut the legs off the bed! - no bastard under there now!!! LMAO
Paddy and his 2 friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says: I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. Last week I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine.
His second friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber. This week I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine."
Paddy says: "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse." Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief. "No I'm serious. Yesterday I came home and found a jockey under our bed." lmfao
