Happy New Year everyone !!! Well here it is Jan 2, 2008...new year mean's new beginning's and new start's of good to come. New beginning's well this year my daughter will start school, this year i will be getting my divorce no matter how i do it will be done and this year will be starting off with a new body so to speak, i have lost weight, some of it due to illness and some due to working out and eating better and different, for all this i am happy and with all that being new i have a new outlook (ok, i have been doing that and being happier for about 7 or 8 month's but since it's a new year it's a new attitude)
Now with new start's well once i get my divorce i will have a new type of freedom, freedom of being able to move on with my life both physically and emotionally. I can get re-married and not only will my name be changed to the one i commit my life to but also moving on with the love of my "new" family. I also have made a new start with someone who i will admit love more then life, we have had some hard time's, cheating and lieing but due to the fact of honesty of comeing clean, talking about it and finding out reason's why we are now taking the next step and have asked for thing's that we need and CAN NOT live without....
~ Honesty
~ Love
~ Faithfullness
~ Truth
~ Aknowdgement
~ Commitment
~ Showing emotion's in privacy and public
~ Openess
I don't know about everyone else but this is what I NEED and WANT. I have to fair, there are time's where i have dissappeared off the face of the earth so to speak and closed up due to my past coming back to haunt me and having to fight to keep what i love and still fighting, being a shield, being tough, staying happy even tho it has had effect's on me physically which has caused a serious illness in me that i wasn't doing anything about it till a bad night happened and made me realize who i love i could never see again and cause her a deal great of pain i could not do so i have overcome my illness and now back to who i am and to who they all need me to be, even tho there are ghost's around me, haunting me, taunting me i am not letting them win, i will not let them win and in the end, i'll be the winner !!!
While going thro that the other's i love i became invisible to, cause deep down that is what i felt like, one of the thing's i need is love and love being shown, not only in private but in the public but not feeling like i am not getting it well let's say i felt like a secret and seeing thing's today that was going on around the time i felt no love being shown, it felt like it was shown to another. Even tho nothing that i saw has not happened since i got myself back and back to them i still NEED it and i want it and wonder why it can not be shown ?? Why can't an out pour of emotion's just be shown to me in both area's ?? (private and public) Why can not anyone know that i am told "I LOVE YOU" and "I LOVE THIS WOMAN" ?? When am i going to find out why this is not possible ?? Basically why am i invisible again to not only them but to the world.
Love and commitment is shown thro many way's, expression of it all to the "love of your life" is the key i believe and i know i have not been the best BUT there is a vow i stick to and that is "For better, for worse. Thro sickness and health" and even tho there are alot that have problem's with opening up and being able to trust but if you love someone as much as you say you do, then showing what your partner need's should not be that hard of a task and if there are problem's with some then talking it with them, working on it is the key. I understand that it only work's if both parties are wanting one another. Here i am, the invisible one, all i can say now is please make me visible and your equal.
