the past couple of weeks I've really tryed to consentrate on getting a job because I've felt so useless watching my crazy mother its a stressfull situation i can't handle sometimes plus the fact I'm broke and have to beg for money from my brother to even buy a pack of cigarettes which since i was about to quit but i moved back home and my mother raises my stress level plus I'm bored to death being here. MY self worth sometimes is a all time low but every morning when I get up I try to smile and stop by cherry to see if anyone left a comment to brighten my day. i check monster everyday to see if a new job opened up and see if someone looked at my resume. I went on 3 interviews this week all I left with a chance maybe someone will hire me. i have so much to offer a employer but it always seems i don't have the right skills or the something they want.
Meeting people and going on dates is like a interview. In the past week I've gone on 5 of those and again I believe I have alot to offer I have the experience and some good skills in hopes I get to see this person again some I knew wouldn't be a good fit but still in all I wanted to leave a good impression and show I'm more than just another girl some got to test me out and relieve some tenion some was just a cup of coffee and conversation. 2 even gave 2nd interviews but I've haven't heard back on those yet but I have my hopes up that maybe I will go for a third but I'm trying not pushing it.
i look at both that least I have some potential and raises my self esteem but also at the same time I feel I'm standing in a void and all I have to do is just wait. I'm not good at waiting.I'm impatient and like attention and when the attention isn't there its a let down. the sadness returns.
the big difference between the job and the date is that i am more than ready to go to work I need to feel human again to earn money to pay my bills take responsibility for myself and child not rely on my brother or family. Dating and getting a boyfriend I'm really not sure anyone would want me I have debts and problems I really don't want to burden them with what is my responsibility to take care of nor would I want them too, on the other hand I would like someone to take interest in me other than just sex I want to be taken seriously and be taken out show me some fun. Go hiking and do something they like to do. take me out really out not to a resturant as a prelem to having sex really its boring and so predictable. believe I am jealous when i see women get what I so long for and what I don't get is what I am doing so wrong or what makes me so unlovable.
i've been fed so many things most would say is positive but when I hear it sometimes I feel its all bull just a way to get what they want and when done go on to the next foolish lady. I ignore words sexy hot babe come on I'm 47 going on 48 in june and not slim or in great shape I'm average I know that. but I feel beautiful empowered and smart. I like words that have a better fit to me intregeging, interesting. I lived a varied life I have so much knowledge and interests I built a car, I've traveled alittle, read alot, rode horses most of my life, raced cars, I had 4 brothers so i played sports, I know alittle about everything,and anything.
I would like some feed back give me your opinions and tell me what I so need to know i'm still walking around blindly and have no clue.
