well my internet is up and working now that's good. the last few days of work were rather frustrating and they screwed up my paycheck shorting me by over 100 i think which isn't good so i have to talk to the manager about it. ive spent the day mostly sleeping and sitting here kinda feeling just meh nothing exciting like ussual.
i let my uncle have the puppy because he really wanted him and i know he'll be taken better care of. i work too much to be able to play with him much and then i get too tired and so just get frustrated easily with his being hyper when i just want to relax. so its better this way. now i can sit and be alone when im not working woohoo...
umm not much else is new. they've put me on some early shifts which im not happy about but ill survive. i hope they aren't going to start giving the new guy my evening and midnight shifts i cant do the early morning thing. even if i sleep 10 hours i feel dead and my brain is melted until around 4 pm or so.
i know i'm not really going anywhere in life and my creativity is gone. i feel like i've leveled off in everything and no longer ever move forward really or with most things anyways. maybe not i don't know. doreen keeps saying how i'm doing so good supporting myself and all that but wow i work and i sleep and i sit around that's it. i have no friends to hang out with, no one to hold, i don't have really anything that matters to me. so i don't really see what's so great about it, but i knew this year was going to be kinda bleh and just full of work and not much else.
it'll probably be a while before i have anything real and worth while again. it's already been a year and will probably be another year or two before life is ok again. if it ever is. hopefully it will be, it gets annoying constantly pondering if it would have been best to die when i was strong enough to do it, but now i know i couldn't i don't seem to have the will power to really go through with much of anything anymore. not the strong person i used to be that's for sure. it's been this way for a long time though so it's nothing new. nothing i'd rant about is really knew so there probably isn't much point in doing it.
