I dont know what it is, but I sometimes dont tend to fair well here with some ppl. I am honestly thinking more and more its "their" issue more than it is mine (not fending off all the blame on others but definitely not sucking it all up as my fault alone).
I am an upfront kinda person, sometimes Im abrasive, sometimes Im going to say something you dont want to hear... but you really can never complain that you dont know where Im coming from (it is sometimes a tangled mess though :-( ). Ill be the first to admit I have a warped sense of looking at things. I interact with others in order to hone the twisted perception I have of things into something more logical and less twisted. Some people make it through the lesson I am getting and some people dont. I guess its casualties of war.
I am not a laid back person. Most of the time I am totally twisted in knots and no one really even knows it til they take the time to see it. I live for chaos and debate when people try to tell me who I am in their perception but havent taken the time to really get to know me. I speak my mind, even if its incredibly detailed and considered tmi for the moment. Things come in my head and I just want to get them out there more as a question to say "Is this what you wanted me to think of what you said?" so one has the opportunity to say.... "Um no, baby girl you are way off base". Communication is key for me; and I am still learning how the best way is to do that. What works with some, doesnt work with others and so on... But I need to be able to communicate and be free in doing so. Free of judgment, free of ridicule, free to think as I like even if you dont agree with what I think. I am not entirely open minded about everything, but Im working on that as well. Each passing day with each new interaction teaches me something different a new avenue to open up.
I guess I take patience and a grain of salt to be tolerated. Getting to know me is probably in my own account a painful and torrid process and as I have stated before... I am not for everyone. This is the hardest thing for me to accept as I want so much to connect with every ounce of energy that comes into my path (wake) it just isnt always meant to be ... So I have that nagging little thought in the back of my head wondering what I missed in not connecting there, but I have to move on. I am starting to understand this but some people leave in such a negative way that the moving on part is extremely difficult. Lessons to be learned... life is full of lessons.
I guess Id just like to convey one thing here and hopefully it will mean something to someone at some point.... please let your energy connect with my energy if the time so deems this sort of connection to occur. Please also keep an open mind about the person that I am and try diligently to understand that I am unique. Not so much as an individual perse but just unique in how i think, how i act, how i speak and how I live my life. Try not to stereotype me or generalize me even though based on my own conditioned response to life... I generalize. Its a fault of mine that I dont wish to be generalized or categorized but I do this very thing to others. I am working on this... and many many other things as well (as I definitely know im not perfect nor can I even try to be; just better).
