I had a very interesting talk with my ex today. He claims to know me so well but in fact he doesn't know me as well as he thinks. I hide a lot of myself from everyone.
He did bring up a very interesting points though. I do have a lot to give, that my strong feelings for two men scared them, and that I get my pleasure (pain, sensual, conversations, ect.) from giving all I can to the one I love.
I know that I fall hard and fast for people. That my emotions are very strong and scare people. I have known this for a long time. It's a blessing and a curse of mine. That I love so intensely that the one my love is focussed gets overwhelmed, scared and then run.
If I care about someone I tend to go out of my way to help them anyway I can. If a call to talk in the middle of the night to calm them down or to get over a heartache then I'm there. If a back rub and a quiet night is needed I make sure it happens. If in bed they like to cause a little pain I don't mind all that much. If sensual play is needed all the more I can handle. If staying home while he is serving our country then I can handle that. If move to be with him then without a doubt I will move.
But as I said its a blessing and a curse to feel so strongly. I have learned not to take life for granted. To grab whatever the Goddess offers and hold on for the ride. With all my medical issues I have learned life is too short to get scared of loving someone. To spend the time we have here to live not run and hide. I did enough of that already. I know that somewhere there is someone for me. He maybe in Ohio or in Iraq or somewhere else who knows.
My ex did say that my moving to be with them was a mistake. I don't completely agree with him. It was a very big learning experience for me. I finally learned what mistakes I have made in that relationship and my others. I hope that I will not make them again, but depends on if I find someone to be with me. But on one hand it was a mistake because I did hurt a man that I have loved for almost half my life by moving out to CT. I left him when he needed me the most. I find out later what happened after I left him and I still feel guilty. Now I just hope he makes it home again.
Ah way too much on my mind now, LOL. I hope all is going well for you all. May the Goddess watch over, protect and bless you all.
