Things are so hard on me right now, but I'm doing the best I can. I know I'll eventually be ok because I always manage to pull through hard times... just seems like this will take longer to get through.
The last thing I ever wanted to do was make anyone feel uncomfortable. I'm in an extremely uncomfortable position but I'm doing my best to not let that show. Its who I am... I tend to put other people ahead of myself - as much as it may seem like I don't at times, I really do. I think that's why I ended up in the position that I'm in. The few times I put my feelings first, I came across as being selfish. I'm sorry if I ever made you or anyone else think that I was being selfish.
I don't know if you or anyone else will ever understand how I feel, but I wouldn't wish it upon another person.
Saturday night was the first night in a very long time I felt like I had my best friend back. We joked around and goofed off like we used to. I miss that so much.
I hate feeling like the "third wheel". I hate feeling like I don't have my best friend whenever she's around. Its nothing against her. It just feels that way to me. It feels like you'd be more comfortable if I wasn't there.
It sucks going into work and having everyone asking me if I'm ok. They all can tell I haven't been myself in a long time. I couldn't eat anything for 4 days without feeling like I was going to get sick because I'm stressed out... Stressed out like I've never been before. I wish it were easier to talk to you about this sort of thing... Sometimes it feels like I'm going around in circles, and I'm sorry if you feel the same way, too.
I'm extremely insecure because of the stuff I went through before meeting you. Its very hard for me to grasp that you're always going to be there because everyone else in my life left when things got rough...
// I can't write anymore. My throat is closing up on me thinking about this stuff. Good night.
