txlnghrn21's blog: "Inside my mind"

In the event of my demise, left with much to say/ Got me wearin' these disguises, even 'til my last days/ Dear Mama all I ever wanted was to hear your praise/ Knowin' that I desperately tried to change/ But maybe I've been cursed since my birth/ Been consumed by puttin' dollar signs behind my worth/ Livin' even worse, 'cause bein' who I am repeatedly hurts/ As I'm movin' from last to first/ Hopefully you'll forgive me, but enemies leave me reasons/ To remain the last one breathin', forever schemin'/ No longer dreamin', seein' them eternally sleepin'/ Continuously at battle with my inner demons/ Comtemplating whether or not to brandish my guns/ Wishin' to change the past, but what's done is done/ Guessin' that I'm destined to to be the Lord's prodigal son/ So I write this letter, to be read by my Loved Ones.

Hook: 'Cause this is my Ghetto Mindstate/ kept my mind on pace while I ran these streets/ MY LIFE 'Cause this is my Ghetto Mindstate/ kept myself out of place as I try to live in peace/ MY MIND 'Cause this is my Ghetto Mindstate/ am I ever gonna change am I ever gonna see/ MY LIGHT Livin' that Ghetto Mindstate 'cause this block's hot/ Run up in yo' spot with my porcelain glocks cocked/ What you shocked? Now that you stopped/ I'ma take this opportunity to bust my shots/ Mercy's for the weak, and only the strong survive/ Countin' blessins that I'm still alive, Now I strive/ To change inside, but to the rules I must abide/ My mind and heart just don't wanna coincide/ Its like I'm being torn in all different directions/ When I look in the mirror, I see different reflections/ My intensions got the different sections respectin'/ 'Cause this Ghetto Mindstate got us money collectin'/ Through some violent visions, I've become increasingly driven/ Comtemplating ways, achievin' my own ambitions/ Intuitions prepared me to make painful decisions/ They'll never silence my voice, dead, alive or in prison. Hook: And this is my Ghetto Mindstate/ kept my mind on pace while I ran these streets/ MY LIFE And this is my Ghetto Mindstate/ kept myself out of place as I try to live in peace/ MY MIND And this is my Ghetto Mindstate/ am I ever gonna change am I ever gonna see/ MY LIGHT And this is my Ghetto Mindstate/ only thing I'm askin' is Can you relate? Ain't flashed a smile in a long while/ Past aggressions got me livin' in denial/ Conversin' with myself as I trek this long mile/ 'Cause keepin' company never's been my style/ Finally focused in the right state of mind/ No longer entwined, being one of a kind/ Just bidin' my time, patiently waitin' to shine/ Finally seein' clearly, no longer livin' blind/ Knowin' pitfalls lurkin' just around the corner/ Travelin' inches away from my other persona/ Fallin' down that route means my heart beats colder/ Don't wanna live that way, cain't have that on my shoulder/ 'Cause I'm having dreams of livin' lavishly/ While unwindin' this instrumental masterfully/ Here to share my knowledge for all eternity/ 'Cause I've become somethin' that you'll nevver truly see. And this is my Ghetto Mindstate/ kept my my mind on pace while I ran these streets/ MY LIFE And this is my Ghetto Mindstate/ kept myself out of place as try to live in peace/ MY MIND And this is my Ghetto Mindstate/ am I ever gonna change am I ever gonna see/ My LIGHT 'Cause this is my Ghetto Mindstate/ only thing I'm askin' is Can you relate?

right now i just hurting and struggling with so much pain/wonderin if i'm livin my life with nothin to gain/just heard some disturbing new the other day/now i'm lost for my words and got nothin to say/its been hard for a nigga like me to stay sane/just keepin to the reality of livin in vain/ where is god to help with the everyday struggle/guess my only choice is to counter with my hustle/the world consistently wants to see me fail/it either wants me in the ground or locked behind jail/the fact of the matter is that i don't give a fuck/i'll do what i gotta do for the almighty buck/cause in reality that's really all that matters/no matter how many lives we are prepared to shatter/my life and heart are broken anyway/guess i'll live my life day by day/there really is no way for me to cope/guess that's happens when u lose all hope. cause when u lose all hope that's it/i'd give anything to feel better for just a little bit/ i'll go back to a game that's played on the street/been told i could fuck a different bitch every day of the week/i like to call this the aftermath/now that the kid is back watch out for his wrath/u don't have to be afraid of me/just be afraid for the things i see/gonna bring the light to the darkness/got a lot of power that i can harness/now it all comes out no more hidin/u can catch me in tha club or wit my homies ridin/we like to do it slow in the fuckin south/don't know what u heard but betta watch ur mouth/tired of being the quiet one and reserved/its time for me to be one that's observed/so here we go to ring in the new year/hurtin and got no hope as i switch my gears/

this one goes out to my people... where do i begin in this life of sin/guess i'll start from my blood and kin/and to all the careless users out there/i appreciate all the time that we share/ startin out with Dominic, or D for short/rockin the stage while I'm puffin on a newport/i knew you'd be big one of these days/all the success got us trapped in a daze/got me feelin drunk every time i hear the sound/feedin off the energy of the crowd/don't worry cause it's all good/got me feelin the way i should/movin on to Tommy aka Da Gunn/know that u married and havin ur fun/ain't mad, cause i admire the responsibility/knowin that our past is a distant possibility/just go on and do your thing my dawg/just be sure to show some love on my blog/next are the carless use crew/my homies been rockin the stage, keepin it true/Aldan, Martin, n Arturo on stage gettin drunk/ya'll my dawgs and after the show ya'll blow some skunk/down to ride for my homies for sho/cause i'll be there when ya'll go on tour/to one of the baddest chicks i know/Nessa beatin on the drums got me wantin mo'/but she will also go and play the bass/confusin everybody with that innocent and beautiful face/after the show we party like there's no 2morrow/drinkin all the liquor with my dawgs as i drown my sorrow/ then there are my niggas in that 904/reppin Duval in the game always wantin more/missin my boyz i met in that city/holdin my head, tryin to stay above the nitty griddy/ cause i was once left 4 dead, know WHO to thank 4 that/ but i didn't hesitate to bounce right back/ i got 4 niggas in that J.A.X/ down to ride the moment i decide to flex/

Man we miss you out here on the streets/ I been hearin' the beat, but there ain't no one that speaks/ All we ever wanted was a piece of the pie/ Strugglin' hard to survive, but they rather see us die/ Wonderin' why, what did we do to deserve this mess/ Get a little money, then they hit us with a service test/ Now I'm in chains off to see the judge/ Scared as hell for my freedom, but you know I won't budge/ 'Cause God has my back, and He knows the whole truth/ Waitin' on the outcome, talkin' to you through a booth/ Shits serious and often times delirious/ Makes me furious, but now its got me curious/ Keep my head up hopin' yo appeal goes through/ When you get out, I hope to celebrate with yo crew/ 'Til that day comes, I'll continue to write/ Hopin' that S P Mex gets to live his life right

my life has been nothing but an empty nest/so much i have left behind to become like the rest/i'm standing tall to face my fears now/told myself i have to go on but still wonderin how/for so long i have lived without a plan/just finding solace and comfort where i can/well all that changes as of today/ finally decided on a resolution to find my way/ my plan is to become the best i can be/wishin for the best to come out of me/breathin can be the hardest thing at times in sadness/it often will drive anyone into madness/but thank god for my friends and their strong words/cause i realize that pens are truly mightier than swords/so from now on i will strive to leave my past behind/become what lays inside of me to be one of a kind/which i know that i am and will be forever/so my resolution is an attitude of whatever/ no more smoking and a lot less drinking/got my mind in a constant state of thinking/summing up ways to live my life greater/passin by all the looks from the muthafuckin haters/ my resolution won't easy especially for me/but feeling like i do its hard to be free/gotta make the most of my opportunities from here on out/my goal is to become the best without a doubt/the road will be full of bumps and forks/gotta do my best to avoid the jails and courts/u know i will be doing my thing right here/as of a few days ago i decided to get my mind clear/cause that's the way its suppossed to be homie/if i die just pour out a little liquor for me

its been a long time, but guess who's back 2day/its me the kid back in a new way/everywhere i turn i see i'm catchin looks/be it from the niggas, the women and the crooks/see that they mad cause i'm back and got them shook/but i ain't mobbin or dealin, streight readin these books/got my mind in state of progression/got me channellin all my fierce aggression/as i strive to survive in this crazy place i call home/steadily wonderin if I should end it with one to the dome/but that leaves me with plenty of shame in my mind and heart/knowin that no one can replace me and carry on my part/so I decided to keep my promise to my fallen thugs/keepin my head above the temptation of the drugs/and for my niggas that be locked up in the pen/guess who's back cause i'm representin drinkin on some hen. they can teach us to read and teach us to write/but they can't teach us how to live our life/cause it's never the same 4 any two people/ it's one big race, but we be climbin up a steeple/ gotta take advantage of the given opportunity/ one of my dreams is to live in a nice community/ will i get the far, i just don't know/ gotta take my life as far as i can go/ ain't afraida losin my life to the struggle/ it's alwways possible when livin life on tha hustle/ cause life really has its own little perks/ rather be in the ground, then end up like you jerks/ with my back against the wall is how i thrive/ cause u gotta have balls in order to survive/ look at me, i ain't afraid to go -n- taunt/ watch me as i just take whatever i want/ just call a goodfella from the very beginnin/ stay out of my way, and u won't be feelin/ my wrath when i unleash it upon the world/ don't hate me cause i got ur bitch's toes curled

As for me, my only wish is to be free/ Carried away from all the pain and sufferin I see/ But is my cause a lost one, I just don't know/ So sick and tired of not knowing which way to go/ and so, I make use of what I have in my brain/ Makin my way through life, just tryin to stay sane/ But every day, it seems to get harder and harder/ It feels like I'm stuck just runnin through water/ Am I a product of society or just unlucky/ knowin that my every move just might fuck me/ Now I got my head stuck inside of this book/ and it's got me thinkin of some the paths I took/ Now I believe it's time for me to make my move/ Just keep on goin like I got something to prove/ 'Cause, first and foremost, I most certainly do/ Hopefully, my loved ones will see that, too/ And if there is a special someone out there for me/ I only hope that she can sypathize for me/ 'Cause I've been standin in the rain, trying to get wetter/ And maybe, just maybe, things will get better/

As I lay dyin', got my mind flyin'/ Right before my eyes, I see my life rewindin'/ Got these images flowin' in -n- outta my brain/ Seein' so many things, got me goin' insane/ Pain, coursin' all throughout my body/ Last thing I remember was a 12-guage shotty/ Shoulda paid attention when I heard the click-clack/ Now I'm bleedin' out, 4eva posed on my back/ Afraida seein' my eternal damnation unfold/ My mind grows weary as my body grows 4eva cold/Damn gettin more to difficult to keep breathin'/ Really don't wanna see my loved ones weepin'/ Always knew that I'd be a victim to the violence/ Intuitions lead to my permanent silence/ Makin' a livin' is all I've been tryin'/ 4eva rendered obsolete, as I lay dyin' As I lay dyin', contemplatin' how it came to this/ Got me runnin' through the names on my list/ Wanted to escape this life as a youngsta/ Somebody had to supply all the junkstas/ But layin' here, I'm both happy and sad/ Finally at peace, though I won't be a dad/ Had countless lessons to teach my seed/ Now covered in my own blood cause of my greed/ Guess there ain't no love out there for me/ Don't know where I'll spend the rest of my eternity/ Heaven and Hell are my only 2 choices/ Seein' the light, but still hearin' screamin' voices/ Guess I'm still here on Earth/ Destined to be covered by 6 feet of dirt/ 'Til my last breath, I continue fightin'/ Only thing to do, as I lay dyin'