Have you ever wondered if you were really insane, or if it was just other people cause you to be "insane"? Many people would go, WTF? But, as i sit here, doped up on more drugs that the doc prescribed me... I begin to realize... it's not me... it's really not.... I have been drugged up, and basically unconcious all day today... yet he is already pissed off at me, bitching at me... etc. It's like, come the fuck on... what the fuck did i do?!?!? Next wednesday I pick up my school check (ya i get paid well to go to school, YAY!!!) And i will use that 3k to move the fuck into my own place... I am fucking done with this bullshit... there is no excuse in the world as to why i should have to put up with this bullshit... I don't DO anything, yet i always get blamed... I always get yelled at... Like i am the villian... then he goes to his job, his therapist, his friends and family, and tell them that i am such a bad person, and i have a borderline personality disorder, and everything is all my fault... I'm not that bad when he's not around... I mean, i learned SO much from HS.... what i can lose by being self-ish... I lost the greatest love of my life, because of my stupidity... I know I'm not that bad anymore... but he pushes my buttons... he knows what to say and do to me... it's un fucking real... I am so sick and tired of dealing with his bullshit... I can't keep doing this shit... I can't keep fighting with him over trivial shit... I just want away... I beg him to just leave me alone... but that doesn't even happen... Some major bullshit has happened... I can't really talk about it on this blog... for legal reasons... but i can't deal with him anymore... I am getting a place far away from him, although still in town, and it will be my chance to start over.... it sucks, because i plan to move in may... 6 months from feb is aug, so if i sign a 6 month lease, i can move in AUG, although thats gonna piss me off... but i can't keep doing this shit... or explain the situation, and see if i can sign a 3 month lease, or pay 3 months in advance.... all i do is go to school, so it should work... hopefully it will work well... we shall see....
anyways, i am so tired... i have a paper i have to write, so I am gona start on it now...
