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What are you waiting for?
I need to feel safe. Before I can begin to open my submissive nature to You I need to feel safe and have reason to trust You. To let down my walls and give You control of my will may take time and testing before I feel safe enough to permit either of us to go beyond the initial stages of our relationship. Even after I've given myself to You fully, I need to be reminded I am safe with You. I may like to feel the thrill and excitement of fear and the unknown, but I need to be sure no matter how You stimulate those emotions during an intense scene or situation, I will remain safe in Your care.
I need to know You accept me for all I am. I will be many things to You as our relationship grows and I need to know You accept me as a person during each transition along the way. I need to know You accept me as a friend, lover, companion, and Your submissive but also accept me as parent, child, employee, community member or other roles I fill in my obligations to family or society.
I need to have clearly defined limits. I need to know exactly what You expect of me and know that You also understand my limits. In some ways I am like a child that needs a fence around my play area so I know how far I can go and feel secure inside those limits. I need You to reinforce those fences by correcting me when I try to climb them without Your approval.
I need You to be consistent. I need to know You mean what You say and that today's rules will apply to tomorrow's behavior. Nothing confuses me more than giving me mixed signals by allowing me to break rules that You've given me. From time to time I may test You to see if You are capable of accepting control of my life by consistently bringing me back to the path You've chosen for me. It's not done to try Your patience but is my way of finding reassurance You are paying attention to my progress. Very often it's not done consciously and I promise I'll not use it as a method for provoking Your negative responses.
I need to expand my limits. I need to grow and to be challenged. Left on my own, I'll become bored or stagnate within the boundaries I accepted in the beginning. I need to be pushed, but never shoved, to go beyond the places I've been. I may drag my feet and pout at times, or sit down and refuse to move because I'm unsure and need Your guidance in overcoming my obstacles. I depend on You for strength and encouragement to get beyond them.
I need You to teach me. I need to learn and it is You who are my teacher. My mind is hungry for new things and learning helps me to become all that I can be. This may require You to continue to learn new things in order to keep me challenged. Together we can grow to the fullness of the gifts we have and deepen the diversity we share.
I need goals. Part of my make-up as a submissive makes me very goal-oriented. I need them to measure my progress and need You to provide them for me. Take time to explain those goals in ways I can comprehend Your plans concerning my growth as Your submissive. Without Your direction I quickly become lost so I'll look to You frequently to provide a purpose and aim as I continue in my development as a submissive.
I need to be corrected. I need You to correct me when I make mistakes. Without Your correction I will develop bad habits that can be very difficult to break and do great damage to our relationship and to us as individuals. Without Your correction, I may never know I've made a mistake. Allowing me to continue unchecked will only cause me to fail both of us in the end. I admire firmness in Your correction and feel secure in knowing that You will never be afraid to take steps needed in keeping me focused on the goals You've set for me.
I need You to be my role-model. I look up to You and try to follow in Your footsteps. If You fail to live up to a standard, I will follow You into failure, often without You noticing until it is too late. I learn quickly by the examples You provide for me and often base my reactions and behaviors on my observations of You in similar situations. I will blindly pattern myself in Your image so be aware that my eyes will always be on You as face Your own challenges and daily activities.
I need Your approval and reassurance. I need to know when You approve of me or what I've done and to know I belong to You even if I fall short of my goals. I sometimes confuse approval with disapproval when You do not provide positive reinforcement when You are pleased by my actions. I will constantly be seeking Your approval when I'm unsure of myself and may need to rely deeply on Your support and reassurance when I'm confused about a situation or apprehensive about a new challenge.
I need to be able to express myself. I have a need to express both good and bad things to You but it may be difficult for me to put the negative things into words. I fear Your rejection and hate disappointing You, so I may need a little space and time to voice all the things I need to say. You can help me by reassuring me that my feelings are valid, even if they aren't something You find pleasure in hearing. There may be times when I'm upset or angry with You but without freedom to express those feelings there can be only festering resentment or misunderstanding. Guide me in ways that I can learn to speak my heart without breaking it or Yours.
I need to learn from my mistakes. I need to experience things that may be painful in order to learn successfully. I know Your protective nature will struggle with allowing me to be hurt but I need to learn the consequences of what I've done and to experience the feelings that go along with making mistakes. I will need Your comfort once I've faced my failure but will sometimes feel unworthy of asking or unable to voice my disappointment in failing. Allow me to sort out my feelings before wiping away my tears.
I need forgiveness when I fail You. Nothing hurts me more than to know I've failed or displeased You and I need to be forgiven once I've made amends. It is very hard for me to forgive myself for a wrong-doing and I may need Your help in getting beyond the feelings of remorse I am carrying. I may even need to be punished, if my wrong-doing was traumatic enough, in order to feel closure and accept forgiveness. I depend on You to make that determination for me and need Your help in making an atonement that is acceptable to You.
I need to feel I contribute. I have a deep-set need to give and must have outlets for this need. My basic nature is to give of myself and You will be the primary recipient of my gifts. Allow me to contribute to our relationship and our life together. To do less will leave me unfulfilled and unneeded, a fate worse than death for me. Provide me with ways to contribute things to others, also. I may need to give of myself to those I hold dear but You will always receive the best I have to offer.
I need to enjoy successes. Without experiencing and enjoying my successes I may give up my fight to be all You desire for me. Allow me the pleasure of savoring the taste of victory when I overcome an obstacle or if You find pride in my attempts. All of my successes belong to You and I need to share their rewards with You. I don't expect You to spoil me with grand displays for little victories, but when I've reached beyond the limits of my past attempts, please don't deny me the sweet feelings of knowing I've achieved a goal You've set.
I need to share with You. Sharing with You is a compelling need and one of the cornerstones of my submissive nature. This includes the emotional and spiritual aspects of my being as well as the physical body I inhabit. It may be difficult for me to give You access to the deeper levels of my emotions and feelings but those are the things I need to share the most. I'll depend on You to direct me in ways I can achieve total openness with You. I also need to share in the things You are. Trust me enough to share in Your fears, failures and struggles. I'll never see You as weak or incapable because You have shown confidence in me by giving part of Yourself in trust.
I need to feel loved, respected, and protected in Your ownership. No matter how well I've done or how miserably I've failed, I need to know I'm still loved and protected by You. Nothing will prevent me from trying new things like fear of losing Your respect and love. By the reverse, nothing will encourage me to expand my limits and grow to be all I am capable of being more than knowing You will be there to protect me from harm and will love me even if I fall short of the target. I need to be loved and to love You in return. I can't survive without it.
in my heart i know he didnt mean to do it.. in my heart i know he didnt want to leave us.. but at the same time im angry and frustrated theres no gettin thru to drugs the users disappear and the drug remains its your family now its who speaks to you, eats with you, lives with you.. your loved one isnt there. every so often you get a glimpse of the unselfish being who use to reside in this body of theirs and you hold on to that. how to get out loved ones back before the drug takes them from us forever. this thing we live with now doesnt care about anyone and will hurt thoes who love it. my cousin died of "accidental overdose" it was an sccident that it happened just then that way but its not an accident the moment he chose to do it. another person very close to my heart is missing now having been taken over by drugs and is struggling this demon now for 2yrs but still young enuff to take back life. this demon convinces and snatches their self worth, confidence, and ambissions and now they have to find them again and believe in themselves again. this could take away someone i love dearly and couldnt imagine my life without them in it. everyday i give words of encouragment, love, and concern everyday gets closer to the day the treatment center will have a bed...everday that passes is a day closer and another day that we've shared.
may be crazy of me.. some may not understand.. but others who have lived this nightmare will understand and im sorry you had to endure this as well id not with this on my worst enemy.. to my friends and loved ones who stand and tolerate my feelings i love, appreciate, and thank you with all my heart.. for talking with me, supporting me even if you would do things differently, for not judging me and just plain ol loving me
say a lil thought for those who've succumbed to this demon and now have to fight to remove the demon from their body. say a thought for the loved ones this demon stomps and crushes and leaves behind grieving for a person who was actually gone a long time ago but suffer in anguish now because the physical shell they held on to is now gone as well.
A time comes in your life when you finally get it... When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on.
Like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes. This is your awakening. You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world there aren't always fairytale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.
You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are... and that's OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval. You stop bitching and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it's not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the process a sense of safety & security is born of self-reliance.
You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties and in the process a sense of peace & contentment is born of forgiveness. You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. And you begin to sift through all the crap you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look and how much you should weigh, what you should wear and where you should shop and what you should drive, how and where you should live and what you should do for a living, who you should sleep with, who you should marry and what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children or what you owe your parents.
You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with and in the process you learn to go with your instincts. You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix. You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.
You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake. Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familial love. how to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or your feelings into a relationship.
You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn that just as people grow and change so it is with love.... and you learn that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms... just to make you happy. And, you learn that alone does not mean lonely...
You look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you "stack up."
You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK.... and that it is your right to want things and to ask for the things that you want...and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.
You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won't settle for less. And, you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you to glorify you with his touch... and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect.
And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and taking more time to exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear. So you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.
You learn, that for the most part, in life you get what you believe you deserve... and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it's OK to risk asking for help.
You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time... FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms. And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening.
And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state - the ego. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls. You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.
Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever to settle for less than your heart's desire. You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.
Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side you take a stand, you take a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.
Initial Agreement of Service i, ________________________, with a free mind and an open heart; do request that _______________________ accept the submission of my will unto this Dominant and to take me into this Dominant's care and guidance, that we may work together in trust and mutual respect. The satisfaction of the Dominant's wants and desires, are understood to be consistent with my desire as a submissive to be found pleasing to him. To that end, i offer, use of my time, talents, and abilities. Further, i ask, in sincere humility, that, as the Dominant, the care of my body be accepted for the fulfillment and enhancement of our sexual, spiritual, emotional, and intellectual needs. i ask to be guided in sexual and sensual behavior, in such a way as to further my growth as a person. i ask that extreme care be given to clean and safe involvments with regards to bodily contact regarding all manner of Sexually Transmitted Diseases and all forms hepatitus and other infection. Afore mentioned Dominant will insure proper safety precautions as suggested by leading health and lifestyle organizations will be employed. my body is given to the Dominant to use for my growth but that submission is granted voluntarily and does not extend rights for others to have intimate contact at all. Also this agreement does not grant third parties permission to casual or sensory contact without all parties agreeing to prenegotiated limits. i request of _______________________, as my Dominant, to use the power vested in this role; to mold and shape me; assisting me to grow in strength, character, confidence, and being. In return, i agree: To obey given commands to the best of my ability. But to also use and have honored, safe words and signals when the Dominant should be alerted of unexpected concern or discomfort or my need to slow down or stop with any given involvement. To strive to overcome feelings of guilt or shame, and all inhibitions that interfere with my capability to serve, and limit my growth as a submissive. To maintain honest and open communication and be treated with nothing but the same. To strive to reveal my thoughts, feelings, and desires without hesitation or embarrassment. To inform clearly, of wants and perceived needs, recognizing, that the Dominant may choose to decide whether or how these shall be satisfied. To strive toward maintenance of a positive self-image and development of realistic expectations and goals. To work in this agreement become a happy and self-fulfilled individual. To work against negative aspects of my ego and my insecurities that would interfere with advancement of these aims. my granting of submission is done with the knowledge and agreement that nothing asked of me will demean me as a person, and will in no way diminish my own responsibilities toward making utmost use of my potential. In recognition of my family obligations, nothing will be required of me that will in any way damage or harm my children, or my family, nor interfere with the performance of my duties as mother. This includes honoring and protecting my privacy. my body is offered for growth and experience but it's image and visage do remain my own. As a parent, i cannot permit any video tape, film or digital photography to be permitted in any manner even with the strictest of controls. As my Dominant and primary caretaker you agree to insure this and protect me from this when i am unable to do so myself. In recognition of my employment obligations, nothing will be required of me that will in any way damage or hinder, nor interfere with the performance of my employment duties. As W/we enter into this agreement in good faith with good intent, i will not be asked to conceal any of the nature of our interactions from professionals including medical or mental health care professionals or any trusted Mentor i may choose to confide in. We agree i will be given audience on a regular basis with permission to speak freely at designated intervals, and those words to be regarded without judgement or penalty. This i, _______________________, do entreat, with lucidity and the realization of what this means, both stated and implied, in the conviction that this offer will be understood in the spirit of faith, caring, and esteem in which it is given. Should either of us find that our aspirations are not being well served by this agreement, find this commitment too burdensome, or for any other reason wish to cancel, either may do so by written notification to the other, in keeping with the consensual nature of this agreement. W/we both understand that cancellation means a cessation of the control stated and implied within this agreement, not a termination of our relationship as friends. Upon cancellation, each of us agrees to offer to the other his or her reasons and to assess our new needs and situation openly and lovingly. This agreement shall serve as the basis for an extension of our relationship, committed to in the spirit of caring and consensual dominance and submission with the intention of furthering self-awareness and exploration, promoting health and happiness, and improving both our lives. This being our first exploration, we agree to work in the spirit of this document for the term of 30 days from the date of signature below. Renewal of such commitments should not be assumed without a new written document of this nature entered into during the last week of the original term of this agreement. i offer my consent to submission to ______________________________ under the terms stated above on this the ________ day of _____________ in the year ________. ____________________________ Signature of Submissive I offer my acceptance of submission by ______________________________ under the terms stated above on this the ________ day of ______________ in the year ________. ____________________________ Signature of Dominant
