ToXiC's blog: "INFAMOUS RAGE"

I am gonna buy a few gifts for people who have been the sweetest to me on here. I have 11,000 cherry bucks. Once I have bought everyone a gift, unfortunatley I will be deleting my profile off Cherry Tap. I love Cherry Tap, but too much drama and heart break has happend on here for me. And there for I am gonna remove myself from it. So if your a good friend and think u deserve a gift from Cry Baby, hit me up before friday and I will give u a gift for christmas. Then I will dissapear. If you all need to get a hold of me for some odd reason, u can reach me @ http://www.myspace.com/xdevils_playmatex. My myspace will soon be gone as well, but only good friends and family may see it or visit that page or contact me. Any questions let me know! Cry Baby

I have someone who is threatning me of my life, and my childs life. Can anyone help! CRY BABY

Don't cry to me. If you loved me, You would be here with me. You want me, Come find me. Make up your mind. Should I let you fall? Lose it all? So maybe you can remember yourself. Can't keep believing, We're only deceiving ourselves . And I'm sick of the lie, And you're too late. Don't cry to me. If you loved me, You would be here with me. You want me, Come find me. Make up your mind. Couldn't take the blame. Sick with shame. Must be exhausting to lose your own game. [ these lyrics found on completealbumlyrics.com ] Selfishly hated, No wonder you're jaded. You can't play the victim this time, And you're too late. Don't cry to me. If you loved me, You would be here with me. You want me, Come find me. Make up your mind. You never call me when you're sober. You only want it cause it's over, It's over. How could I have burned paradise? How could I - you were never mine. So don't cry to me. If you loved me, You would be here with me. Don't lie to me, Just get your things. I've made up your mind.

OKAY THIS GUY COMES FROM ANOTHER FUCKEN STATE, TO BE WITH ME OR WHATEVER. ALL OF SUDDEN HE GOES HOME, AND BECOMES REAL DISTANT. NORMALLY HE TELLS ME HOW MUCH HE LOVES ME AND WANTS TO BE WITH, AND HOW HE MISSES ME AND, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. NOW HE BARELY SAYS A WORD TO ME. HMMMMM....THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH THAT NOW, AM I RIGHT? I FEEL LIKE I AM A GAME, JUST GETTIN PLAYED DAY BY DAY. I FALL FOR SOMEONE AND THEY GRIND ME INTO THE GROUND SO HARD, THAT I CANT BREATH. I AM TIRED OF THE BULLSHIT PEOPLE PLAY. I AM TIRED OF BEING, USED, PLAYED, IGNORED, AND LIED TO. I HAVE NEVER DONE ANYTHING TO ANYONE, TO DESERVE ANYTHING LIKE THIS. MAYBE ITS BECAUSE I HAVE TOO BIG OF A HEART. I LIKE TO GIVE EVERYONE CHANCES. AND 90 PERCENT OF WHAT I GIVE, PEOPLE TAKE ADAVANTAGE OF. IF SOMEONE IS GONNA LOVE, THEN LOVE ME. IF UR GONNA HATE ME, OR DISLIKE ME, FOR SOME OUT OF THOGHT REASON, THEN SAY IT. DONT HIDE IT. SO I KNOW NOT TO WASTE MY TIME ANYMORE. I AM SO CLOSE TO DELETEING MY PROFILE ON HERE. ON THE VERGE, SO CLOSE. AND MYSPACE AS WELL. OR I AM GONNA TAKE OTHER ACTIONS, AND I WONT BE IN THIS WORLD TOO MUCH LONGER.

Well he left....he's gone....back to florida. The love of my life, gone as quick as he came. I miss him so much....already...my head is pounding so bad from the tears that have fallen from my eyes. The thing is I didnt even cry when he left...I didnt break down till I got home, to my empty house...with no history channel or the miltary channel on. Silence....the scent of his colone filled my nose when I walked into my room grab something, and that is when it hit me. And it hit me hard. It felt like running into a brick wall. I fell onto my bed just ballin my eyes out. And I havnt been able to stop since. I want him to come back....oh god how I want him back here. :: cries :: Cry baby aka Natasha :: Ernies Perfect Drug ::

Call you up in the middle of the night Like a firefly without a light You were there like a slow torch burning I was a key that could use a little turning So tired that I couldn't even sleep So many secrets I couldn't keep Promised myself I wouldn't weep One more promise I couldn't keep It seems no one can help me now I'm in too deep There's no way out This time I have really led myself astray Runaway train never going back Wrong way on a one way track Seems like I should be getting somewhere Somehow I'm neither here no there Can you help me remember how to smile Make it somehow all seem worthwhile How on earth did I get so jaded Life's mystery seems so faded I can go where no one else can go I know what no one else knows Here I am just drownin' in the rain With a ticket for a runaway train Everything is cut and dry Day and night, earth and sky Somehow I just don't believe it Runaway train never going back Wrong way on a one way track Seems like I should be getting somewhere Somehow I'm neither here no there Bought a ticket for a runaway train Like a madman laughin' at the rain Little out of touch, little insane Just easier than dealing with the pain Runaway train never comin' back Runaway train tearin' up the track Runaway train burnin' in my veins Runaway but it always seems the same

I am 22 yrs old and still single. I am not likeing it anymore. Why is it everytime I start to get an interest in someone the seem to run. Is it because I have baggage? As in Kids? Am I ugly? And I fat? What is it? All I know is that I am tired of waiting for "HIM". Cuz it aint commin to me like its suppost to. I have always been told to wait and it will come to me. Well I have waited for 22 yrs and he still hasnt shown. Like right now, I have a big interest in someone. But I know he is gonna run....like everyone else has. I want to be loved. I want to be loved for me. I dont wanna just have sex anymore. I wanna make love. I wanna do it with someone who cares about me. I am tired of all the games. Guys who are attracted to me, but only for the wrong reasons...not the right ones. And the one person I thought I could rely on and be there as a friend and as a person who cared, doesnt have time for me anymore. Cuz he's got his own shit to worry about. His family members passin away, his party hardy times. I love that guy. But he dont love me back. And the guy I am interested in, is I dunno....confused? Its crazy. I want to be cuddled. I want to be held. I want my shining armor to come and rescue me from all this misery and stress. Rescue me from my diminion of sadness. Where are u?

I'm looking at you through the glass Don't know how much time has passed Oh God it feels like forever But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home Sitting all alone inside your head How do you feel, that is the question But I forget you don't expect an easy answer When something like a soul becomes initialized And folded up like paper dolls and little notes You can't expect a bit of hope So while you're outside looking in describing what you see Remember what you're staring at is me 'Cause I'm looking at you through the glass Don't know how much time has passed All I know is that it feels like forever But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head How much is real, so much to question An epidemic of the mannequins contaminating everything We thought came from the heart, But never did right from the start Just listen to the noises no more sad voices Before you tell yourself It's just a different scene Remember its just different from what you've seen I'm looking at you through the glass Don't know how much time has passed And all I know is that it feels like forever But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head cause i'm looking at you through the glass, don't know how much time has passed All I know is that it feels like forever, but no one ever tells you that forever feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head... And it's the stars The stars that shine for you And it's the stars The stars that lie to you yeh ya And it's the stars The stars that shine for you And it's the stars The stars that lie to you yeh ya I'm looking at you through the glass Don't know how much time has passed Oh God it feels like forever But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head 'Cause I'm looking at you through the glass Don't know how much time has passed All I know is that it feels like forever But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head And it's the stars The stars that shine for you yeh ya And it's the stars The stars that lie to you yeh ya And it's the stars The stars that shine for you yeh ya And it's the stars The stars that lie to you yeh ya Who are the stars? Who are the stars? They lie…

I met someone. Yeah, thats right...WOW did he know to touch the right buttons too. He made me sticky for hours. He had this sexy look to me as a plain joe...He didnt even have any tattoo's....But fuck...he knew how to do it right. We didnt go all the way. Since we respected each other. But we wanted to. There is something about him. Something so sexy that I cant get him off my mind. I can still smell him in my pillows on my bed. *grins* I need to find out what is causing me to like him so, after only one meeting. Could he be the one? Maybe not. Who knows. He sends shivers through my spine, thus the subject, satisfaction to the bone... CRY BABY