I heard the startling crashing sound as it shattered the silence of the night. The heavy mangling of metal as two objects collided in the dark. I wondered what had happened as I lifted my tired body from my chair and walked across the floor. Opening the curtains I peered out into the night, looking as far as my eyes could see. I could only imagine as the sound came to an abrupt stop just as fast as it had broken the silence. I was just about ready for bed but something, deep inside of me, a pure gut feeling, told me that I should wait. Seeing nothing outside I turned and walked back to my chair and flipped through the channels on the television. I was not watching anything in particular as now I was wondering what it was that had startled me.
Seconds later the scanner on the near by coffee table sprang to life. I listened as the night dispatcher alerted the fire department and emergency medical crew to respond. I was fully alert now, sitting on the edge of my chair, listening intently to see if they were sent to the sound I had heard. I waited as the address for them to respond was given. I played it over and over again in my mind as I had heard that before. Suddenly it dawned on me that it was at Dead Man’s Corner where the accident had happened, two vehicles were involved. My heart raced wishing that my children were home this night, not having gone out to a local charity fund raiser. I looked quickly at my watch and took a deep breath as they should not be coming home for a couple more hours.
My pager erupted into sound as I was now being paged. I wondered if it was bad enough to need extra help. The fire department and emergency medical team had already signed on and were in route to the scene. I had done this job many years and yet each time a tone was heard my heart would race. I knew it would be minutes before the emergency crews arrived on scene as they had to navigate the treacherous winding mountain road. The voice of the dispatcher brought my attention completely back to her as she told me that I too was to respond. My heart raced even faster now as I reached for my uniform top and grabbed my keys from beside the door. I did not even touch the steps as I leaped from my porch and to my vehicle. The engine quickly roared to life as I reached down and flipped the switch to activate my overhead emergency lights. This was the life of Emergency Medical Responders who served up here in the mountainous regions.
I blocked scenes from coming into my mind, wanting a clear head when I arrived. I did not want to anticipate anything at all. My tires grabbed at the gravel driveway as my foot stomped onto the gas. Bits or rock and dirt flew from my tires as I sped down my drive and turned onto the road. I knew the treachery this road held and it scared me to death, knowing all the people that I myself had watched get killed driving it. Giving my vehicle as much gas as I dared I traveled toward the accident scene. I had just seen the lights of vehicles up ahead when I heard the fire department and emergency medical team call out at the scene. Seconds later I too called dispatch to let them know I had arrived.
Quickly my eyes traversed the scene and I could see that it was not good. It appeared two vehicles had collided and both had been pushed off the road and down into the ravine. Knowing how jagged the rocks were and the rapid fall off of the walls I knew there would more then likely be major injuries and possibly deaths. I grabbed my equipment that I always carried with me and ran over to the group of responders that stood at the edge of the road looking down into the ravine. I looked at them as I approached and from the faces I could tell that there was not a very reassuring picture to be seen when I looked into that ravine. I took a breath and looked down into the darkness. I could see that one car had burst into flames and the other car was upside down and all mangled.
Ropes were soon over the side and firemen were making their way down the lines with hoses to put out the fire. Other lines were readied and the medical responders were hooked up to them so they could descend and check on the occupants of the vehicles. I watched as they disappeared into the darkness , waiting to be of any assistance that I could. Seconds seemed to turn into hours as we all stood and waited for news from deep in the ravine. I heard the fire radio crackle and one of the firemen on the scene requested the chief to go to another channel. I knew all these responders well as I had worked with all of them for many years and they were my heroes. They always gave everything they had to save a life, even if it could mean their own. I watched the chief as he stepped back from the ravine’s edge and listened to the radio intently. In seconds his face turned pale and a blank look of disbelief came over his face, visible there in the night. I wondered what news had been given him that would make him turn so pale.
He quickly acknowledged the message as my ears trained on his words trying to piece together what he was being told. He walked over to the edge of the ravine and said something to the responders that were there. He turned and looking at me he nodded and turned back to his work. After his conversation with the responders had ended he turned and walked slowly over to me. I stood there watching him walk. I could tell he was hesitant and yet he knew that he had to take each and every step. My heart was pounding now as he stepped up in front of me and looked straight into my eyes. I could see the hollow emptiness of his eyes as he started to speak. His words cut into the night’s darkness and as deeply into my heart as I listened. His voice trembled as he said, “There is something you need to know. One of the vehicles down in the ravine is registered to you. There are two occupants inside and the medical people and fire fighters are trying to get to them now.”
I could not believe what I Was hearing, there had to be some mistake. My two loving children were not due home for a couple more hours. I started for the edge of the ravine, wanting to go to them. The chief caught me in his arms and I looked up into his eyes, begging him to tell me that this was a dream. There was no stopping the pain inside me now as I knew it was all too real. I closed my eyes in anger at letting them drive along that road in the dark. All I cared about now though was that my kids were all right. Together we walked to the edge of the road and stood there waiting and hoping for good news. The reports started slowly coming up to us as the radio came to life, “One driver deceased, one passenger with severe injuries, both pinned inside the wreckage. Now it would be a race against time to free the injured passenger and get them medical treatment.
I felt my heart sink into my stomach as I thought of my two children, all that was of value in my life, down in that ravine and unable to help them. I just stared down into the darkened abyss that had swallowed my children. All I could think was why, why was this happening to me. I had just buried my husband four months ago, having lost him while he defended his country. I looked at the chief and immediately, knowing what I was about to ask, he shook his head refusing to let me continue. He knew that I wanted to go down into the ravine and yet knowing how much it meant for me to be with them, he could not let me down there. I peered back down over the ledge and waited, seconds seemingly become eternity as I waited for more word. I assisted where I could, readying equipment to be lowered down to the workers below. The radio broke silence again and my heart leaped into my throat. I heard the words distinctly as the chief acknowledged them, “To ready to transport, take it really slow.”
This was the words I was waiting for as I watched the firemen along the roadside man the ropes that would raise the injured from the ravine, bringing my kids up to me where I could see them. I had prepared my mind for the worst, based on the information that had been sent up to us. The firemen pulled on the ropes, hand over hand, as they slowly raised the metal baskets carrying the first injured. Finally I saw the basket as it came up over a large rock, accompanied by emergency medical responders on each side. Was this my son or my daughter? Which one was hurt the worst? Was there anything I could do to help them? All these questions and more filled my head. The closest firemen reached down and grabbed the basket and pulled it up to others that were hurriedly pulling it away from the ravine’s edge. I walked over to the basket and took a deep breath.
Looking down at the person laying there, completely strapped inside, I waited to see their face. The medics uncovered them and I saw immediately that it as neither of my children. It was a stranger that laid there being treated. Had the ones being transported up to us come from the second car? Hat was happening with my children? Had both of them perished in the crash? I fell to my knees and began to weep. I felt arms slide around my shoulders as they aided me back to my feet. I looked into the chiefs eyes and I could see the tears that were running down his cheeks. He could feel the pain I was feeling and living right here and now. He wrapped his arms and comforted me assuring me that all was going to be all right. I wondered how he could say that when my children were hurt and laying down in that abyss. Another metal basket was pulled from the ravine and I did not even want to look inside it. I knew that it would not be one of my children.
In all the voices I suddenly heard a voice I had heard many times before, or was it wishful thinking. I listened carefully and I heard it again. It was calling out to me as I stood there frozen in place, not believing my ears. My daughter was calling to me, or was I just wishing it was her. I ran over to where the second basket had been set and looking down I looked into the eyes of a scared young girl. It was my daughter, she was alive and talking. I broke into tears of joy as emotions overwhelmed me. I spoke to her and saw her look up at me and smiled. In her soft voice she said, “I knew you would be here mom, I knew you would come for us. I will be fine I promise.” With that I smiled at her, a forced smile that reassured her that I understood. I watched as the medical attendants lifted her and placed her on a stretcher, moving her back to the awaiting ambulance. I wanted so much to go with her and be there for her but yet I could not leave. I was one person and still my son was down in that ravine and I wanted to be here for him.
I watched as the doors closed and the siren on the ambulance sprang to life, echoing off the mountains that surrounded us. I was more optimistic now after seeing my daughter alive. I knew my son had to be alive as well, wondering how they could have survived the tumble down into the ravine. Minutes continued to slide past, unnoticed as I watched and waited. Another stretcher was on its way up and I prayed it was my son. As the basket approached the top I started forward, stopped by the chief as he shook his head at me. I knew then that it was not my son but another person from the other vehicle. Medical people picked up the basket that contained the person and turned towards another ambulance. From the light of the vehicles I could see it was a man whose face was badly mangled. They put him on a stretcher and I watched as they covered him, telling me that he had died. I felt sorrow fill me as it did every time I witnessed death. I knew somewhere a family or loved ones waited for this man to arrive home.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I knew in my heart that they always left the certified dead bodies until last. I truly understood the inured mattered the most as they desperately needed medical attention, more then could be given at the scene. My heart fell again as I knew my son was still down there somewhere. I walked over to where the chief as standing and talking to some of the firemen that had come up out of the ravine. They all looked at me, wanting to express the sympathy they had for me. We were a close knit family and one in pain from loss or tragedy effected each of us. The chief spoke first as he said, “I just got word that your sons body has been freed from the wreckage and they will be transporting him up soon.” I looked at him with a blank stare wanting to ask and he continued, “That is all I know right now, we will just have to wait and see.” “Wait and see,” he had said, did he understand what that meant to a mother knowing their child was in danger.
I now waited for the next basket to come up out of the ravine, carrying my son. I was oblivious to everything around me now as I prayed for his life. Not being a totally church going person I hoped that God would be listening when I needed him the most. I heard the radio crackle and the words I longed for. One of the rescuers radioed, “We have them freed and we are ready to transport, take it really slow.” They had freed my son and they were starting to bring him up to the roadway. I watched the next ambulance pull up closer to the site where they would be, ready to give him all the medical attention he needed. There was no doubt in me this time, I would be riding to whatever hospital he went to in the ambulance with him. I heard one of the firemen exclaim, “I have it now, we can take it from here. The drawing of the metal over the rocks filled my ears. I knew my son was in good hands and I waited for him to come to me. Suddenly I saw the basket and ran to it. Dropping down on the ground beside it I looked into the basket. With his face covered in blood from a bad head wound, I saw my son laying there motionless.
Fear gripped me again as I wondered if he was even alive. Rapidly the medical persons worked on him as others prepared him for transport to the hospital. I watched as they worked on him and loaded him onto the stretcher basket and all. I wanted so much to step in and be there for him and yet I knew I was not emotionally detached from the disaster. One thing we had been taught was to keep ourselves detached from the scene to assure that our judgment was not clouded in any way. I walked along beside the stretcher, to the back of the ambulance and watched as they slid him inside. I grabbed the door as it started to close, staring a cold and defiant glare at the medic that was inside. I saw her reach for my hand and she said, “I am sorry, of course you can ride along.” I climbed into the ambulance and the door closed. We were soon on the roadway, with lights and siren blaring, headed towards the hospital.
I asked the attendant where my daughter had been taken and she assured me it as to the same one that my son was going to. I slid my hand into the basket and took his in it. I felt the coldness of his hand and I wondered if he was still alive. I would not let go of my son until I knew he would be all right. The ride went by unnoticed as we pulled into the emergency room entrance at the local hospital. The doors flew open and medical people were there with a gurney to transport my son inside. I waited until he was on his way before I climbed out and followed, leaving the doctors and nurses room to attend to him. Inside I watched as they took him into one of the rooms and began working on him. Looking through the window I could see more and more of his injuries as they cut away his clothing. I turned and walked away to the nurses desk.
Knowing the head nurse on duty I walked over to her and as she looked up I could see she knew why I was there. She took my hand and guided me into her office and closed the door, the two of us sitting there side by side. She looked in my eyes and I could see the pain she was feeling trying to find the right words to say. She told me that my daughter was here and the doctors were with her, examining her injuries and as soon as there was any word she would make sure that I got it immediately. I thanked her and stood to leave the room when I heard her paged. Together we walked up to the nurses station desk and I saw a doctor standing there. Was this the man that brought me word on my children? Please give me the news that they will be all right and I can take them home with me. I knew in my heart that there was not much chance of going home together but it made me feel better at that moment. He looked at me and with a nod from the nurse he knew that I was the mother of the child he just left.
He asked me to walk with him as we talked. I turned down the hallway and e walked a few steps, waiting for him to speak. I grabbed his arm and said, “Doctor give it to me straight, I want to know exactly what I am facing here.” He reassured me he would not hide anything from me. I thanked him as he opened a door to his office and stepped inside. He sat behind his desk as I sat in one of the chairs in front of it. He started to explain that my daughter was unconscious when they had brought her in and it was touch and go if she would survive. He told me of all the injuries she had sustained, each one logging in my mind as I put them together like a puzzle, the final goal achieving a picture of her overall well being. He went on and on with minor injuries that I knew were not life threatening, leaving me waiting for the but word to come at any minute. After he had filled my head with a list of assorted injuries, he leaned back in his chair and sighed. I knew this was it, this is here he would hit me with the bad parts. Looking into my eyes he smiled and said, “That is it, she will be a little sore for a while and a couple bones have to heal but she will be fine.”
That was it? Was he silly or what? That was the best news I had received all day. My daughter would be fine, knowing I would take care of her until she was well once again. My joy was short lived as my mind now went to my son. I knew the news would not be as good. When I was told about his injuries. I had been an Emergency Medical Technician long enough to know what I had seen was not good. Suddenly I heard the alarm sound that signaled a response team to one of the rooms. I grabbed the door and looked down the hallway as nurses ran past me. The doctor pushed past me and headed back towards the Emergency Room. My heart raced as I followed along, praying with each step that was not my son they were going to. As I turned the corner I saw that my prayers were not being answered. I watched through the windows as doctors and nurses feverishly worked over my son. I knew all to well what all this meant, having seen it many times before.
Tears streamed down my cheeks as I stood there watching. My world was filled ith total silence now as I looked on helpless. Unable to protect the child I had brought into this world years ago with all the love I had. I had watched him grow into a well rounded young man, only to have it all snatched away this night in an accident. I was living a mother’s worst nightmare this night, not once but twice. The same doctor that had given me good news about my daughter was just coming out of my sons room. I could see the front of him was covered in blood and he was just pulling off gloves that had covered his hands while he worked. The strain on his face told of the gravity of the situation inside the room. He could see the horror on my face as he walked up to me. With his arm around my shoulder he turned and walked with me back down the hall. He reassured me that everything possible was being done to save my son.
We stopped at a vending machine and he pushed a couple of buttons and before I knew it I had a cup of steaming hot coffee in my hand. I had not realized that hours had gone by and I had not even thought of being thirsty or how tired I was. I sipped the coffee slowly as we sat there in silence. After we had finished we walked back towards the emergency area and as I turned the corner I stopped dead in my tracks. The room where my son had laid minutes before was empty and all the machines were turned off. I looked around and saw no one. Was I imagining this or was I in a trance and at some other place? I looked over to the nurses area and it too was empty. With a blank look I looked at the doctor and I could see in his eyes that he too was confused. Suddenly the head nurse came around the corner and saw us. She came up to us and said, “I was just coming to look for you. I need you to follow me.”
With each step we took I wondered what I was going to be presented with. Was I going to be told that my son had passed away? Was I going to hear that he would be a vegetable the rest of his life? I was unsure of what to think as I discouraged thoughts from taking control. I had always been a person who dealt in reality and facts so I wanted to wait until I knew what I faced. She turned and grabbed a door handle and opened it up. Stepping aside she motioned for me to go on in. My steps slowed as I entered, listening to all the machines that were going. As I entered the room I saw my son laying there with tubes coming from him and going into different machines. Pain ate into me and I quickly fought it back as I would not let it show. The nurse then started to tell me what they knew for sure so far. My son had many severe injuries and it would be touch and go for many hours as he fought valiantly for his life. I knew my son would not give up without a fight. Her words brought relief to me and yet I knew there was a major battle to fight ahead.
She gave me a reassuring hug and she stepped out of the room and closed the door. There I was standing in a room where I had stood with many other patients before, watching them fight for their life. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think that it would come to me being there watching my own children do the same. I walked up to his bedside and took his hand in mine. I told him that I knew in my heart that he would be ok and make it through all this. I leaned over and kissed him as he laid there motionless. My son, the only one that could carry on my husbands name laid there in front of me, standing at the door of death. I closed my eyes and prayed silently that there was no answer. I had not heard the door open behind me and I felt a hand on my shoulder. I opened my eyes and looked and the head nurse stood there. She took my arm and told me that it was time to go and my son needed his rest. I walked out into the hallway and watched as the door closed behind me. This as a night of horror for me, one that would make me even stronger to go on with my life.
© Tall Mountain Dreamer October 18, 2007
