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In the evening before....

So tomorrow comes another funeral. Another day where I dress up just to go sit with a dead body and listen to people talk about how wonderful the person was in life, even if they were no where near wonderful. Where tears are suppose to flow and you're callous if you don't. Kleenex's have become out sheilds, protecting our hurt from anyone elses and isolating ourselves within the crowd. Ever wonder why you're alone in the middle of a throng? It's simple. Because we've been taught that's the way to be. In ancient pagan times, funerals were lively. They would hold processions through town and have feasts and celebrate. Death isn't the end, its only a new beginning. Has tarot taught us nothing? If no one died, no one else could be born. It hurts to lose those close to us, it's soul wretching and can make you long for death as well. But it is only natural. You have to remind yourself of that. I never understood the point of a veiwing. You go to a formal room, walking around as quietly as possible to look at a dead body. To look at a corpse. Why would you want to look at that? It's no longer your mother or your sister or whoever you've gone to mourn. It's just their shell. It has no bearing on them anymore. I will never understand it. Nor believe in it. This entry is completely disorganized and probably makes little since. But I'll be honest here, I'm not in a very sound state of mind at the moment. 4 funerals in one year. It's unnatural. It's unfair. And I hate it. May's encroaching. I pray for the strength to make it through. First my birthday. 6 days. Then his birthday. 6 days. One year since he's been gone. I don't know if I have the strength to make it through....I just don't know.
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