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Just another passing thought in the memeory banks of yours' truely. I recently came to conclusion that some of us, even though were right next to each other are numb to how we respond, interact, and sometimes take each other for granted . In my opinion, I think alot of the relationships, whether buddy bonding, puppy love, family gathering, are purpose driven. I guess what I am trying to say is that the surrounding people who are in the world and are live everyday around me, are they there for a reason that better gives them the advatage in what they are seeking for in life, or are they there for the good nature and good company. Another words they enjoy being with you because you make each other smile, you make each other laugh. Your true friends are there for you in even the thickest of times. Verses, but not always, someone who needs a ride to work, a neighbor who needs a cup a sugar, Etc. Those individuals, sometimes not always, strike me as a souls, who walk in this world to just see it through to the end and if you're a stepping stone they won't hessitate to use you to get to the other side, leaving you to struggle and submerge into your own muck. And the exchange, well they make you feel good, down inside, as if you're important. Sad as it is in the end when the supply runs out, sugar, free rides to work, sometimes even providing a comfortable secrurity when loniness seems rampid and starving, then what?
I've met several individuals in my thirty three years, inhabiting this planet. I know that last line seems deep, but that is another blog another time. Amoung these individuals, over half have sought out from me , something, wheather it be money, good favors, the company of two just bonding for however long, just cause it's too painfull to try to make it through a week alone, to make there lives a little more liveable. There was a time, where my innocence was strickin from me, in such a mannor that leaves one question, when it comes to emotions, contact with other individuals if it is real or fake. Sorry, if I lost anybody back there. I have just been bumping into new characters, who seem too good be to true, make me feel good about myself, and just are fun to be around. Yet, when you tr to cut them off just to get a little thinking time for yourself , not completly, they start to act different. Paranoia is a good example I have been bumping into lately. Sometimes I like being selfish, I don't want to share things with you, because it feels like i recieve nothing in the end. Now your thinking, it's better to give than recieve, well my retort for that is that is I agree, but how much does one have to give, before there is nothing left to give, and once again is that so called freind, buddy, lover, going to be there for when you need them for a cup of a sugar, a ride to work, someone to be there to enjoy each others' company, with out any strings. In my opinon I think it would disolve alot of hard feelings if we as a species could rely on each other just for raw happiness, no strings attached. I know I would wake up better refreshed in the morning, without thinking, I owe someone something, or OH GOD, they're coming over to just get what they need, and than poof, gone faster than a roach when the lights get fliped on. Whew !!! I just had to get that concept out there to help those understand, I can't be the only one that experiences this hiccup along the road of life.
As always, lol, please read through and open your way of thinking. I love deep questions and welcome them always. I guess in closing, it is a difficult to reach a goal in our life if we are constantly looking for the next accesible comodatey, favor, or relationship to make us happy to help us get through the next moment where we will need more of IT, whatever IT might be, to just be satisfied. A very respectable person had told me, and I have heard this time and time again, YOU truely can't be happy until you start with YOU, and everything in your life that makes you feel miserable, turn it around, clear IT and make it right. God bless to all that read this to the end.
Ray - August 30, 2009
