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the other day was my moms 51st b-day(btw she died this past sept) i was feeling really low and some events happend. was i in the wrong... yes.... did i apaulogize?.....yes....however this person is now trying to rip a life apart that i cherish so much.... how do i deel with this? do i bite my tounge live a lie and smile and kiss ass just to be with the woman i have grown to love above all else? or do i voice my self and honestly lose the one person i dont want to ? god how did this get this far and how can it be fixed? it is fri nite and i am home alone pondering my life with her and no matter how i look at it i see this person alawys looking at me like im some kind of freek. i dont know but something has to give and soon. this feeling i have is very bad and withh all that i am going trew no body seems to understand. whats going you ask?( going threw a very messy devource, lost my mom in sept,lost my job in dec, my kids dont want to see me like they are suposed to,i have no real family to talk too right now so i bottel it all up and yes i blow sometimes we all do......i dont feel much of a man right now because im hurting inside dont know how to express what or how im feeling and im in front of my p.c. balling my eyes out what a man i have become but know this im more man now because of her now then i was over a year ago............. i love you stacie always im sorry im not perfect i am trying that has to count for something
