a repost from my myspace blog:
I'm SOOOOO SCREWED!
Current mood: scared shitless
Leave it to me. I tend to get under people's skin at times, pissing off the world daily because I'm basically misunderstood ***sniff, sniff, tear*** WELL, now I have gone and done it and I'm pretty convinced I may as well sharpen the blade and get busy cutting cuz this tops it.
I mean, I'm pretty sure I'm topping the shit list of many a peep. I can name at least a handful of peeps whose top spots I hold, but this one may have gone to far.
I have managed to PISS OFF SANTA CLAUS! WTF!!! Seriously, I have the letter to prove it and my, oh my is he disgusted with me.
Lemme splain myself first, plead my case if you will:
I'm sitting at the puter in a very disgruntled mood the other day and looking at Christmas this and that. I run across a site with a plethora of holiday what have you and see a "get a letter from Santa". Why the fuck not? Right? So I'm sitting filling in all the pertinant info required, thinking this is a joke thing and I'm foul at the moment (don't forget this part). It asked MANY questions and as I went on the more pissed I got. Age? Name? Location? 3 things you want? Blah, blah and blah.
Ok, so I didn't lie about my age. I said I lived in Farm Fuck, Illinois and that I wanted things like new boobies and a shiney new pistol so I could pop a cap in someone's ass. Etc, etc.
Then you hit the button and I expect a instant reply from Santa. Instead it tells me, "great, now write your letter to Santa"... Well, piss! Now I've wasted all this time for nothing! So my letter is as follows:
Dear Santa,
Hmmm, well I thought I just wrote you a letter fool??? Guess not. Wasted alot of time filling in answers for nothing then, huh? Okies then, I see how it is. Forget it!
~Wendy Jo
Ok, and today I got my reply from Santa himself! It reads:
Dear Wendy Jo,
Thank you for writing to me. Your e-mail arrived in Santa's computer here at the North Pole, and I've read it carefully. I was SHOCKED at what I read. I had to ask Wiggles and Bella to close their eyes, I want to ask you don't you realize that just maybe one of my younger elves would be present when receiving your email? The words in there were TERRIBLE. I would say it was nice to hear from you, however I know in your heart you can do better. You always had a caring heart and I wouldn't think you could send Santa such a letter. This saddens me deeply as it also saddens Mrs. Claus . Maybe this year a lump of coal would benifit you very much, however we all make a mistakes and if we look within ourselves we can put the good into our words.
Santa can hardly believe how old you are -- you're a big girl now. When I found out that you were 34, all I could say was "Wow!" A adult like yourself saying you live at Farm (Blank) was awful I was holding my hot cocoa in one hand and reading your letter in the other and when I seen those words I almost choked on my hot cocoa, and "Would you want santa to burn himself?"
Santa can only hope you rethink about what you sent to the North Pole, and understand one thing, it is NEVER to late to take back such harsh words.
The Christmas lights on Santa's house and all around the workshop are glowing brightly. The elves are keeping the path from the workshop to the sleigh clear so that we won't have any trouble getting the sleigh loaded up for our trip Christmas Eve. We sure don't want to disappoint all the GOOD girls and boys.
Your friend,
(Insert signature here that wouldn't copy and paste)
Well, that's it in a nutshell. I'm too ashamed to type anything else. God have mercy on my soul. Wishing everyone else a nice Christmas cuz I know Santa is fixin to kung fu my ass, that fat bastard.
Peace~
*** Hoping Santa is good to you***
