I have to confess, my youngest daughter wrote this. She works in a fast-food restaurant and has an odd sense of humor. She makes me laugh hysterically.
This might be blaspheming, but I'm prolly gonna end up in Hell anyway...
ah the things i think about...
Jesus: Hello, welcome to Eternal Damnation, may I take your order today?
Customer: Ya hold on a second would ya?
Jesus: Go ahead and order whenever you're ready. (two minutes tick by)
Customer: Do you have any specials?
Jesus: Today we have the Devil in Georgia meal on sale, which includes a picture of the Charlie Daniels Band.
Customer: Uhhhhh.... (silence)
Customer: I'll take two of those. But can I have one with Angel Food Cake?
Jesus: That will be an extra 29 cents. Is that ok?
Customer: Shit... Yeah... I guess. And I want one of those thingies... with chicken?
Jesus: Are you referring to the Acts of Job side order?
Customer: No... the other thing. With cheese and stuff like that.
Jesus: That would be the Acts of Job.
Customer: No! The other one. It has cheese and chicken and stuff.
Jesus: I'm sorry. Could you be more specific.
Customer: Whatever just give me the Acts of Job.
Jesus: (a little sourly) Is that everything today?
Customer: What do you have to drink?
Jesus: We have water, but if you prefer we can make it into wine.
Customer: (in a whining voice) Do you have Coke?
Jesus: (flatly) No. We don't.
Customer: (to the other person in the car)Geez... this is ridiculous.
(by now five minutes have passed and God has Jesus on a very tight schedule.)
Jesus: Would you like to try some of our wine today?
Customer: No, I'll take the water...
Jesus: So for your order I have two Devil meals, one Acts of Job side order and water. Is that correct?
Customer: NO! I didn't want the Acts of Job! I wanted the cheesy chicken thing!
Jesus: (frustrated and trying not to argue) Ok please pull around.
Customer: Did you get that?
Jesus: Yes. I did.
(car revvs up and pulls around to the window. Customer shoves a twenty dollar bill out the car window and stares gloomily out the windshield. )
Jesus: That will be $18.45 please.
(Jesus takes the bill and makes change. When he hands the money back the Customer grabs it out of his hand and still doesn't look at him. Jesus hands out the meal.)
Jesus: Thank you! Have a wonderful afterlife and please come again!
(a minute passes while the customer rummages through their bag. They look back through the window pointedly.)
Jesus: Can I help you?
Customer: I didn't get the cheesy chicken thing!
Jesus: (starting to fume) It's in the bag. I put it in there myself.
Customer: Oh no you didn't! I want a refund! I want a manager! When I'm done you won't work.... what are you doing?
Jesus: (mumbling under his breath.) Nothing(3 of the plagues start raining down on the Customer.
Scene fades to black.)
If only...
