Number nine
~~~~~~~~~
A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk
a question.
As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps
into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her
breast.
They are both quite startled
The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as
soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."
She replies, "Sir, If your penis is as hard as your elbow,
I'm in room 1221."
Number eight
~~~~~~~~~~
A young Texan walks up and sits down at the bar.
"What can I get you?" the bartender inquires.
"I want 6 shots of Jagermeister," responded the young man.
"6 shots! Are you celebrating something?"
"Yeah, my first blowjob."
"Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house."
"No offense, sir. But if 6 shots won't get rid of the
taste, Nothing will!!"
Number seven
~~~~~~~~~~
A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be
seated next to a gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos and he
notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics.
He asks her about it and she replies, "This is a very
interesting book about sexual statistics. It identifies
that American Indians have the longest average penis and Polish
men have the biggest average diameter.
By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?"
He coolly replies, "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you."
Number six
~~~~~~~~
One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband gently
taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm.
The wife turns over and says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a
gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."
The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few
minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.
This time he whispers in her ear: "Do you have a dentist
appointment tomorrow too?"
Number five
~~~~~~~~
Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed
there for a number of years when he came home one day to
confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He
had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife
suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but
Bill indicated that he would be too embarrassed. He vowed
to overcome the compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home ashen. His wife
could see at once that something was seriously wrong.
"What's wrong, Bill?" she asked.
"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous
urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?"
"Oh, Bill, you didn't."
"Yes, I did."
"My God, Bill, what happened?"
"I got fired."
"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"
"Oh...she got fired too."
Number four
~~~~~~~~~
A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has
been in a coma for several years. On this visit, he decides
to rub her left breast instead of just talking to her. On
doing this, she lets out a sigh.
The man runs out and tells the doctor who says this is a
good sign and suggests he should try rubbing her right breast to
see if there is any reaction. The man goes in and rubs her
right breast and this brings a moan from his wife.
The doctor suggests the man should go in and try oral sex,
saying he will wait outside as it is a personal act and he doesn't
want the man to be embarrassed.
The man goes in then comes out about five minutes later,
white as a sheet and tells the doctor his wife is dead.
The doctor asks what happen. The man replies:"She choked."
Number three
~~~~~~~~~~
A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He
puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished
patrons.
"I'll make you a deal. I will open this alligator's mouth
and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his
mouth for one minute. He will then open his mouth and I will
remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle,
each of you will buy me a drink."
The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar,
dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's
open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped.
After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the
alligator hard on the top of its head.
The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals
unscathed as promised.
The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered.
The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay
anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try."
A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up
in the back of the bar.
A woman timidly spoke up. "I'll try, but you have to promise not
to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."
Number two
~~~~~~~~~
A small guy goes into an elevator, when he gets in he notices
a huge dude standing next to him. The big dude looks down
upon the small guy and says: "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick,
3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, Turner Brown."
The small white guy faints!
The big dude picks up the small guy, brings him to, slapping his
face and shaking him, and asks the small guy "What's wrong?"
The small white guy says, "Excuse me but what did you say?"
The big dude looks down, "I said: 7 foot tall, 350 Pounds,
20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, and my
name is Turner Brown."
The small guy says, "Thank god, I thought you
said 'Turnaround.'"
Number one
~~~~~~~~~
A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting
at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to
his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for
50 years."
"Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were
sitting here at this breakfast table together."
"I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here
naked as jaybirds fifty years ago."
"Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say..should we get
naked?"
Where upon the two stripped to the buff and returned to the
table naked.
"You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied,
"My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years
ago."
"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your
coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!
