I, the Penis,
request a pay raise due to the following reasons:
1. I do physical labor.
2. I work at great depths.
3. I plunge head first into everything I do.
4. I work weekends and holidays.
5. I work in a damp enviroment.
6. I work in dark areas with poor ventilation.
7. I work in high temperatures.
8. My work exposes me to disease.
Dear Penis,
Your request has been denied for the following reasons:
1. You don't work 8 hours straight.
2. You work in short spurts and fall asleep after each brief work period.
3. You don't stay in your designated area and are frequently found in other locations.
4. You don't take initiative and must be stimulated to start working.
5. You leave your work place messy at the end of your shifts.
6. You are unable to work overtime or double shifts.
7. You sometimes leave your designated area before completing the assigned task.
8. You have constantly been seen entering and exiting the work place with 2 suspicious bags.
Sincerly,
Management.
