I'm actually doing this.
I talked about moving, but it's now become a real thing. I'm househunting. I'm calling realtors. I'm making lists of things that have to be done. I'm deciding what to take and what to sell.
I'm really, truly doing this.
This job offer was made to me shortly before I climbed on that plane to Arizona. At the time, I thought little of it. It wasn't relevant to what was going on in my life...and that seemed like an awfully long way to go just for a job.
But now, there are so many reasons in my head for making this move. I mean, especially since my house was already up for sale anyway.
When I bought this house, I did so with my ex. It's a big, rambling 100 year old house and I like it, but it wasn't my first choice. It was the house he wanted. And within the space of 6 months, he was gone anyway. This time, for good. After 6 years of going back and forth. Breaking up and dating other people for a few months then coming back and telling me how much he missed me...yeah. I finally got sick of it. Sick of the cheating and the lies. Sick of his tweeking out behind my back. Sick of him trying to rule over my life like some tall stick figure of a dictator. Sick of feeling like a spectator in my own life.
Anyway, that was a year and a half ago. Water under the bridge now. But, because we bought this house together, we're still connected. He calls me over and over. I make the house payments, but his name is still on it. And he's having difficulty dealing with the fact that I want him completely out of my life.
His new girlfriend wants him to no longer have any involvement with me because she's jealous. She should be jealous. Every time that fucker comes here, he tries to get in my pants. He tells me how their sex life sucks and how, no matter what else went on between he and I, the sex was always amazing. Yeah...for HIM maybe. I just want him gone.
So, a couple months ago, I put the house up for sale.
I was planning on moving to somewhere else in this area. It's safe for me here. I've always lived in Missouri and Illinois. The only time I've lived anywhere else was when I was a small child and Dad was moving around because of the Army. I don't remember most of that...so this area is home. I know all of the streets and where they lead to. I know the radio stations on my dial. I know the laws and the rules. I know how to get around them.
It's safe.
But I hate it.
That week in Arizona, I realized that I have more friends there than I do here. I also contemplated never having to shovel snow again, always being able to wear my sandals without my toes going numb from the cold, how the dry weather would negate some of my mother's arthritis pain, how my daughter could swim year round like the little fish that she is, how [if my yard is desert landscaped] I will never again have to argue with my son over him mowing the lawn [I'm allergic to grass so it makes me sick as hell to mow it myself]. I came home from my trip, called a family meeting, and it's been agreed upon.
And I inquired back about this job. It's a doozy.
Rica, Jesi, and Nyssa are all telling me to hurry up and get there. Masokyst said that Arizona could use a few more "kooks". I wonder if he realizes what kind of "kooks" I'm bringing with me. I think, once my family arrives, Arizona will have reached it's full "kook" quota.
But I'm still doing this. And the job is far from being the only reason.
I miss it there. I miss Rica, and Jesi, and Nyssa. I miss Masokyst...because he's my favorite. The distance seems so much greater now than it did before my trip.
And that is sucking big time.
Condensed Version:
Sir, you said once that you hoped I'd never visit Arizona...and then, later, you actually told me to visit. Now, I'm taking that one step further. You are far from being a reason for me making this decision, but you make the decision easier.
When I say that I ♥ you, I mean that I adore you. You are an asshole, and you know this. I think you even take pride in it. But I still love being around you...or just talking to you. Even if it's only for a little while. You make me laugh. You make me feel special [probably because you let me into your life when you are so damn picky about who you let in]. And you remind me of who I am underneath all of the things my responsibilities force me to be.
Yeah, I'm a "kook". But, at least I'm an honest "kook" and, now, you're kind of stuck with me. Deal with it.
[ok, so that wasn't as condensed as it probably should have been...but it all needed to be said]
And now...a kitty.
