Okay as the story goes... I knew someone for almost all my life.. since we were about 5 years old, and we became friends from the get go.. or so it seemed.. we went to all the same schools, we watched each other grow up, we graduated together.. sadly after high school we lost touch for a while, but thanks to myspace and yahoo messenger we finally got in contact with one another.. and since then, we had our up's and downs just like all friends but as luck should have it.. everything worked out.. and we are now getting along great! we tend to talk what seems to be alot more now, on alot of different things - we have fun together we laugh and all that.. so 22 years later its like nothing ever changed for us as friends... which is awesome because he is one hell of a awesome guy.. and i cant picture my life without him as my friend..
but ya know when your really young, and you believe that you love someone.. but ppl tell you that you are way too young to know what true love is? in this case for me thats not always true.. because with this guy i knew from the start of it all deep down within myself that this guy would be the one for me.. he still makes me laugh, we still talk comfortable to each other... so its like nothing has changed seeing as though were older.. we have a semi different interest in each other.. now that we are older.. its not something a "grade school" kid has in common.. its something more.. and its strange for me to say this but i always thought of him as one of my best friends - he will never know that though for i wont tell him.. but im sure he knows!!
The only problem is.. i dont know how serious he is willing to take things with me.. or even if he is 100% serious about me at all.. the sad thing in all of this is.. I love him.. more then anything in this world... more then just a friend, and i think i had these feelings for him for a while now.. but knowing that im shy.. i tend to hide behind my feelings in fear that just maybe he dont feel the same way.,, and i wish that i could get up enough nerve to tell him once and for all how i feel and what he means to me.. but i just choke on my words! I have a serious case of butterflies when and each time i talk to him.. and i dont know why.. is it because i see more of him now, then i did before.. I love him more each time.. i only wish i could tell him that! and there are times he gets upset.. and i feel like ripping my own heart out because i know him.. and i really hate to upset or hurt him.. god knows i dont mean to..he's my everything.. just that i need time to work around things.. God I love him so much.. and i hate to lose him over something so silly.. and after such a long period of time.. he said tonight that i could make him mine.. i just have to work at that.. and he knows ill do anything i have to do to get him.. cuz that boy has my heart... in a tight grip.. but he needs to understand that... and i dont want to do something that makes him think any less of me as a person... my heart for him is so huge... i cant tell you.. i cry everytime hes away from me... i cry when i dont see him days on end.. i just need to make him MINE!!!! there is no way around it, i know we were meant to be together!! Im even ready to cut my current boyfriend lose for him.. hes my everything and always had been.. i love him to death.. without him i feel like im nothing!! i just dont know at this point in time if and how i will tell him that i love him.. right now we are just "playing" kind of sorta i guess, but i want more then anything to have him hold me in his arms, and kiss his foft lips.. and everything else that comes of it.. i just want to make him mine once and for all... i just wish i knew the steps to take.. and to do it without upsetting him in anyways...
