>**I OWE MY MOTHER**
>
>1. *_My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE_*.
>"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
>cleaning."
>
>2. *_My mother taught me RELIGION_*.
>"You better pray that this will come out of the carpet."
>
>3. *_My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL_*.
>"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next
>week!"
>
>4. *_My mother taught me LOGIC_*.
>" Because I said so, that's why."
>
>5. *_My mother taught me MORE LOGIC_*.
>"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
>store with me."
>
>6. *_My mother taught me FORESIGHT_*.
>"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
>
>7. *_My mother taught me IRONY_*.
>"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
>
>8. *_My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS _*.
>"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
>
>9. *_My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM_*.
>"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
>
>10. *_My mother taught me about STAMINA_*.
>"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
>
>11. *_My mother taught me about WEATHER_*.
>"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
>
>12. *_My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY_*.
>"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
>
>13. *_My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE_*.
>"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
>
>14. *_My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION_*.
>"Stop acting like your father!"
>
>15. *_My mother taught me about ENVY_*.
>"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have
>wonderful parents like you do."
>
>16. *_My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION_*.
>"Just wait until we get home."
>
>17. *_My mother taught me about RECEIVING _*.
>"You are going to get it when you get home!"
>
>18. *_My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE_*.
>"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that
>way."
>
>19. *_My mother taught me ESP_*.
>"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
>
>20. *_My mother taught me HUMOR_*.
>"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
>
>21. *_My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT_*.
>"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
>
>22. *_My mother taught me GENETICS_*.
>"You're just like your father."
>
>23. *_My mother taught me about my ROOTS_*.
>"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
>
>24. *_My mother taught me WISDOM_*.
>"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
>
>25. And my favorite: *_My mother taught me about JUSTICE_*.
>"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you"
