4 years ago...
4 years ago March 5th would have been my due date but due to medical reasons I never made it. Some would think hey it's medical why would this bug you and the reason is I had to make a choice with none of the options being good...number one was to terminate the pregnancy due to the baby not devolping, the next was i could end up miscarrying at some point and 3 was i could deliver pre-term and lose her. Now the reason why she was not developing is because i was on some medication that causes serious birth defects (ie..thier skulls and bones don't form right or fuse together) so i chose option 1 and terminated the pregnancy which sucked the whole thing was awful and i still get nightmares about it. I know it was for the better but i still wonder what if....she would be four this year would she have red hair and brown eyes...would i be a good mom...would i even be where i am?? I never talk about it and it's not like i dwell on it everyday it's just my heart feels heavy around this time.
