I’ve been sitting here for weeks now smiling a fake smile, pretending like life is ok when inside I’m dying. You see I just lost both my parents just 3 month and 3 days apart. My father on January 27 from cancer at the age of 53 and just as we though nothing can hurt more then this, my mother passes away April 30 from heart problems at the age of 55 and we never saw that coming.
I know I’m not alone. I have to younger sisters who are my best friends, an older brother who is my idol, the most amazing 14 year old son anyone can ever ask for and a boyfriend who has been a great source of strength. Yet I feel alone.
I’ve always been the type of person that always tries to see the good things in ppl and in life. But I’m being thrown some curve balls I can’t seem to hit. On top of everything I just had my gallbladder removed that had been putting me in the hospital every other week and am now awaiting surgery on my back for 2 dislocated disk a torn cerotic nerve and just to top it all off they find a lump on my spine. Ya come on life give me more.
Still ppl ask me how I can still keep smiling but if you was to look in my eyes you will see I really am not. Inside I’m hurting so bad and can’t seem to be truly happy. And all the ppl around me are hurting and I can’t do anything about it. I feel powerless. The mental pain I’m in is as painful as the emotional and physical.
I need to find hope again. I need to know what I’m doing now will make a difference latter. I need to know that I am loved when most days I can’t love myself. I want to hear a kind word for no reason at all because I would say anything to make you smile.
Right now I may sound selfish.. But I just need...........
