Paper Angel's blog: "The crumbs to my oreo (aka the thoughts in my brain) :D"

Idk i jsut  dont kno

been a little  depressed lately ... well alot  depressed actually .... but i keep  telling myself ill be fine

i just ... its so hard wen my  dad  came home i knew it was going to  be hard i knew it  but i dont think i was  ready i wish i had some one to talk to  not over  the net or  on the  phone  somone to  REALLY  talk to  to hug ME and tell ME  its all  goignto  be ok.... its so hard when im doing all of this my sister  cant  take it shes 'weak' as  some  would say she cries  she cant stand to see my dad like this  and my mom  she's  exhosted and  gets aggitated too easily to really HELP alot .... so  it  leaves me i help  alll the  time  i bring  him his  water   help him to the  bathroom  help him get  situated  fix his  pillows  get his food  cover him up  get  his  meds ...im up and  down all night getting  him  what  he  needs ....  i do it and i was right there  holding his hand last night  when he  hurt so  bad he  cried ...  and  it was so hard not to  cry too .... but i couldnt let myself becasue my dad  needs  me and he needs me to  be strong .... i am strong and .. .this is hard ....

today  i yellled and i shouldnt have  i should  have  bit my tongue he  needs  me i shouldnt  argue i should  give any one a  hassle but  ITS SO HARD  it feels like im  doing it alone and to see my  dad like this its  heartbreaking  it hurts.


and to think that his pain may never  go away ....its hidious  and devistating.



im so depressed i really just  ughhhh  i want to go to sleep and just  sleep forever  or at  least until January cause then my dad  will be  better


 i want some one to  talk to i want someone to  lean on i want some one HERE with me


I want  Jeremy I want  Melissa i want  to take away his  pain i want my family's problems to  be solved.


God?.... help