ok... so here's the deal.... i don't mean to hurt you.... in fact i want to do just the opposite!!!! i love you so much it hurts me cause i worry about you and not seeing you along with knowing your with someone else... but in the end nothing changes and though you care, it's obvious that you don't care in the way i want you to, and its's not your fault, and i'm not blaiming you. i'm a big girl.... you work all the time, this i know- and i don't mean to rag on you about it... i really don't, but like i said, i worry...... it's just really been hard on me to go from seeing you all the time to not ever seeing you at all, or getting a phone call at least once in a while.... thats the kind of thing i miss... the surprise call i get once in a while to know you still care about what happens to me.... i'm not bitching you out, i'm just trying to let you know how i feel and wish you would understand that instead of getting all defencive and not even try to see if every things ok.... i miss the you i first met.... if anything in this world could make me happy, it would be nothing more then to get a phone call from you saying you missed me and wanted to hang out for a little while..... but once again that term "out of site, out of mind" is true for this situation, and i doubt you'll even see this unless i tell you to read it.... and even then you won't reply to it cause you feel your getting bitched out, and i'm not even bitching you out.... remember when you told me that you felt dumped because i started dating chuck..... well i don't just feel dumped, i feel like you compleatly dropped me off the face of the earth!!!!! i didn't make you feel that bad... and i was so in love with you that i even did the shit that i never in my life would have done any other time, and you know that..... and i hate to say it on here, but when i cheated to be with you it wasn't because i was getting bad sex from him..... it was because i loved you and just being in the room with you that day, and the fact that you didn't even have to touch me was just so overwelming that i realized just how much i was in love with you and that he really didn't even matter..... i would do anything to make you happy!!!!! you are my first love and i won't ever get over you..... honestly i hope i do, cause i don't want to pine over you for the rest of my life..... but in the back of my mind you'll still be there, and i'll still love you..... it's as true now as it was that first time i said it to you when i was in your kitchen ....... I LOVE YOU!!!!!! DO I HAVE TO SCREAM IT at THE TOP OF MY LUNGS FOR THE HOLE WORLD TO HEAR???? I LOVE YOU!!!!!!! AND I MISS YOU!!!!! at least a call on my birthday would be nice..... that much i hope you actually do.....
Love Always,
Vanessa
