Listen to What I Have To Say,
I lay awake at night crying without the tears. The tears can no longer fall. I silently weep for all that I have done. I can’t change any of it, it’s all in the past, and I can only mourn it all now. I’ve done things I never thought I would do, and I done them to you.
I expect no forgiveness. I deserve no forgiveness. I ask you for nothing but to listen to what I have to say now. I couldn’t say it then. I made a mistake and for that I will forever pay. It was never meant to hurt you, it was never meant to make you feel bad, it was meant to protect what we had. It makes no sense to you and it never will. You can never understand my mind . . . I did what was right in my mind. I did what I felt needed to be done and it turned out that I was wrong.
I will pay the rest of my life for what I done, isn’t that enough? Will my ever lasting suffering be enough to ease your mind in time? Will it help you to know that I will never forgive myself? Will you feel better if you know my misery is real? Will the thoughts of my sleepless nights and agonizing days help you heal? Is my self torture enough or do you need more? Do you need more? Do you need me to fall before you? Is watching me be destroyed enough?
I can’t stand that I hurt you. I hate that the pain lingered. I can’t change any of that. I can tell you I am sorry over and over but the fact is you will never believe me. You think I did it all on purpose. You think I set out to hurt you, when all I really did was hurt myself even more. You will move on and forget while I will live with it the rest of my life. I will think of it constantly . . . It will never go away. All I can do it say it one more time, I am sorry and I hope one day the hatred leaves your heart. I loved you for who you were and know that others will as well.