This isn't all from my personal experiences. It does capture alot of things though. Keep in mind, it has lots of sarcasm. I'm not really as sexist as it may sound.
So uh, I'm sorry - My version. — Saturday, July 21, 2007
I been seeing more the the " I'm sorry bullitons" again. I allready did a response to them. But I figured I'd make my own little one.
I'm sorry I just don't have enough muscles for you, and you can almost see my ribs.
I'm sorry your parents don't approve of me because my hair isn't the "right" color, or the "right" length.
I'm sorry your parents don't approve of me because I don't shave the " right " way.
I'm sorry your parents have a problem with my earrings.
I'm sorry I'm, going to hell because I sometimes drink coffee.
I'm sorry your parents take issue with me not going to the same church as them.
I'm sorry that I'm such a bad influence on you by having friends with such a diverse group of people. I'm sorry I may have inadvertently taught you tolerance for people who aren't exactly like you.
I'm sorry you have a problem with me enjoying anyone else's beauty but yours.
I'm sorry you have a problem with me going to places, drinking, and watching pretty girls dance around, even when I'm not taking time away from you because you're busy hanging out with all your guy friends who don't like me anyway.
I'm sorry I'm not normal, and make those " normal " people who act like I'm a lesser being look bad by being smarter and nicer than them.
I'm sorry I'm not quite " manly " enough for you. Going back to being " normal " again. I'm sorry I don't only call you up when I'm drunk and horny.
I'm sorry my penis isn't big enough, or I'm not as great in bed as you'd like me to be. I just don't have as much experience as you.
I'm sorry I can't always read your mind. I'm even sorrier that I don't act on it when I can. I'm sorry I don't reward you by being stupid and not telling me exactly what you want or mean. If i did that, then you'd expect me to be able to read your mind all the time. I'm sorry you don't learn that I'm not telepathic.
I'm sorry I was so nice to you. I'm sorry I allowed you to get attatched to me. I'm sorry you like me enough to miss me when I'm gone.
I'm sorry you don't like my family, I know how hard it must be to be in a room full of people who are similar to me.
I'm sorry your friends don't like me and talk so much shit about me that you start to believe it.
I'm sorry I care enough about your problems that I want to find a solution to them when you tell them to me.
I'm sorry that I've helped you out with your problems enough that you have gotten uste to it.
I'm sorry you can't always be my #1 prioraty. I've lived most of my life helping other people out. If it's helping someone who needs help, or making you happy, or happier than you allready are, other people are going to come first. I'm sorry I can't give you every ounce of my time and energy. I'm sorry you can't see that sometimes, other things are more important than you.
I'm sorry you think I'm using you for sex. You didn't seem to have any objections while it was going on though.
I'm sorry you feel the need to use me for emotional support.
I'm sorry for my smartass comments, and not always siding with you when you do something stupid. I'm sorry for pointing it out when you do something stupid. I'm really sorry that you are so stupid. I really would fix it if I could.
I'm sorry you are too lazy to exersize. I'm sorry I give you rides instead of making you walk.
I'm sorry that you drink soda pop, and eat so much candy and fast food, and other garbage.
I'm sorry I fall inlove with girls who aren't ultra pretty. I'm sorry don't lie to you to make you feel better about life. I'm sorry you can't just accept that I like you for who you are, instead of liking you because you are pretty.
I'm sorry you don't value yourself, you know yourself better than everyone else, so if you don't, should anyone else?
I'm sorry you walk through the mall talking about stuff you " couldn't wear " because of what you look like.
I'm sorry I don't " treat you like a lady ". I'm sorry I don't act like a man, make all the decisions, fall into all the " gender appropriate " roles. I'm sorry I don't " put you in your place " when you " get out of line".
I'm sorry you can't cook well. More sorry than you know.
I'm sorry I'm " shallow ". I'm sorry I can't be with you anymore because you yell and scream at me. I'm sorry I can't be with you because I want someone smarter and prettier. I'm sorry I can't be with you because you don't have a job, and you aren't in school. I'm sorry you are more focoused on your looks than I am. I'm sorry that you've been treated so bad in the past. I'm sorry that you've put up with whatever shit I have put you through, or whatever shit you may feel I have put you through.
I'm really sorry that you probably won't ever find anyone that looks " normal " that your parents will approve of, that you will like as much as me. I'm sorry that you will miss me, and always compare other guys to me. I feel sorry for those guys who will fall in love with you, but won't be able to measure up to what you once had. I'm sorry that I've alienated you from your parents, since how they just can't accept that you liked anyone who looked like me.
Basically I'm sorry for being " weird " and not being like everyone else, looking the ' right " way and treating you bad. I'm a little weird, I'm smarter and nicer than most of the people you talk to. But hey, ya gotta take the " bad " with the good. I'm going going to act like something I'm not, and I'm not going to dress up in a costume simply because other people have a problem with the way I look.
But really, I'm not that sorry. Just in case you didn't catch the sarcasm. I don't have the time to deal with much jealousy, or dissapproving families. I don't want your life to be worse because you are with me. I don't want to be blamed for your problems with your friends and family. I don't want to hear about it's my fault you aren't around your family. I don't want to hear about how you gave up your old life to be with me, so now I owe it to you to be with you. You make your own decisions, I don't make people do stuff, I don't tie them up and bring them anywhere, and I don't hold a gun to their heads. I'm not responsible for other people's thoughts, and I'm certainly not responsible for other people's actions, just as they aren't responsible for mine.
