Kinkstar Sin's blog: "Sin's Domain"

Hey all. seriously i still hate this new blog posting style. i really wish there was an "old crappy version" thing to click. If you're the type to read "cry for attention" in people's blog posts, skip to the last paragraph before bothering with the rest. This is for the people that give a shit, and ONLY for them, if you don't give a shit, close the blog.

anyhow, i'm out of the mental hospital again. i went in before i tried to kill myself this time, figured it'd be a nice change of pace. the first night sucked. i was in the emergency room for 7 hours before they gave me any type of medication. my nails were literally digging into the flesh of my arms to the point that it bled. i still have little fucking half moon scabs on my arm that i pick at because i hate having them. you'd think i'd learn it'd heal faster if i didn't pick at it. i never claimed to be good at learning that shit.

anyhow, like 7 hours in when i said to the nurse that someone needed to get me anti-anxiety meds because i was losing it, she said she'd let someone know, i told her to let anyone know that she wanted but at the rate they were getting shit done there would be pools of  blood on the floor by the time i got meds. i had my meds within in minutes. i should have started with that fuckin line.

so i was in for like a week again. they added borderline personality disorder to my diagnosis. yay me. took me a bit to figure out if they were adding it or changing it from bipolar, but given the meds i'm on, i'm thinking i had bipolar to start, developed borderline and the two caused the anxieties and agoraphobia.... go me! fuckers.

i say fuckers like i'm blaming someone for it, or the doctors or something. the "fuckers" is directed at my disorders. seriously i'm beyond feeling at a loss or self pity because of them, i'm just fucking pissed off at them. at least with the current diagnosis, a change of treatment is in order. perhaps the dialectical behavioural treatment will help something. it gives me a little more hope that something will work because the meds and the previous psychological treatments weren't doing enough. obviously. or i wouldn't have been back inpatient.

anyway, that's my fucking week, that's where i was and where i am now. if any of you have any experience with friends/family/personal experience with BPD or DBT, please send me a msg, honestly investing the time researching BPD that i spent researching bipolar disorder would take years, and i just don't have that kinda time to spend researching when i should be spending the time on my treatments.

For those of you that view this post as a cry for attention, i assure you, i got quite enough of that this past week. i don't  need it from you. I would have posted it as family only but as i don't have the ability to move people in and out of my family since my vip expired (and therefore i don't have as many "family" slots) i'm just going to trust that some of you drama whores can keep your bullshit to yourselves.

~Sin