Well, it finally happened, friends: I got fu-hitched.
It has nothing to do with the fact that I'm pregnant with Rahm Emanuel's love child, or that I'm unemployed, or that I have low self esteem and want to feel loved and part of something that will give my life meaning. I just did it for love!
Our engagement was incredibly romantic. It was dark out, stars glowing above. I was sitting at my table, cheap glass of wine in hand. T$$ was sitting at her computer, masturbating to clips of YouPorn, dildo in hand. I got down on one knee (not really, because that would make typing difficult), and I popped the question. Here's how it went:
This text box says that I can remind you who I am or tell you a little about myself. I would hope that's not the norm for marriage proposals.
T$$, darling, will you have my hand in fu-marriage? I promise I'll wash it regularly.
Also, I can't afford a ring because I'm unemployed, but I'd be happy to get you an engagement kitty. And we could always just skip marriage and live together in sin. That would certainly be better than having glitter html flowers at the wedding.
Even though I gave her an easy out, she still said Yes! And I didn't even buy her the damned kitty! Chicks are so EASY!!!
I love you, honey! Muah!