For those who know me, you know that I'm married. I've been telling my husband since April 2007 that I wanted out of our marriage, and that I didn't love him anymore. He has put me thru the ringer emotionally,physically and mentally. I cannot deal with it anymore. The way he treats me, the way he treats my 13 yr old son that is not his can be alot to deal with.
I told him again last night I wanted out. That I wanted to seperate from him, see other people and that I had feelings for another man. I told him that I loved this other man, and wanted to be with him. You know what my husband said, he said that I married him for better or for worse, that he is not giving up on me. That he loves me, no matter what I do. I told him to not bother because it is not returned.
At one point he got mad said he was cutting my cell phone off, and the internet, and not paying anymore of my bills. I was handling that fine because you know I finally realized I dont need all that to be happy. I found someone who makes me happy without all the materialistic crap. And I believe that it is me and this guy who will make it for better or for worse, not me and my husband. So while he was supposedly cutting off my cell, I called my boyfriend one last time to let him know what is going on.
During that conversation with him, my husband comes downstairs to tell me he bought me something I wanted. The new style pink Katana phone from Sprint. He does this everytime I try to leave, he buys me something I want in hopes I'll stay. Using money to control me is all he is doing. When I told him I cheated in June he ended up buying me a Buick Rendezvous suv. I stayed then but I cant stay now. I want to get my shit together, save up some money and be with the person who has my heart. It's not here in Iowa, it's in Wisconsin.
I filled out the divorce papers once again, and told him what I want. Why wont he get the fucking hint and let me go? I know it is going to take me packing my and the kids stuff while he is at work and leaving then. I dont want to do that but I feel like I have no other choice. I just want the chance to be happy. A chance to see what love is truly about and see if BD and Me can make it. I have never felt this strongly about someone before. Strongly enough where I'm willing to abandon my only source of financial support to be with a guy. That is a huge sacrifice on my part as I'm use to being spoiled financially. But I am hoping in the end that leaving my husband will be worth it, and that Me and my boo will have a stronger relationship than I ever had with my husband.
Anyhoo, thanks for reading another rambling blog. ((Hugs))
