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So, I moved last month and I've been off fubar since. No time. I have a day job. I'm taking horseback riding lessons and I've been full of life really. Just so much going on.
My band is playing out this saturday and I forgot to market it on her, all well. If anyone is in mass and wants to go to a goth concert hit me up before saturday and I will do my best to give details.
I'm dating. Was enguaged but he took it back and told me its was a "promise ring" I'm not ok with that and things may not last. Looks to me like someone has comitment issues and its not me... But shit happens and we move on. I will give him a chance and see if things get better.
Home has been depression. I moved in with my bf. And now I see less of him then I did when I lived with crappy roommates. I see him 7 hours a week because of his job. He works 6-7 days a week because hes a head chef and its putting a strain on "us". We don't have sex. We don't cuddle and we don't do anything. Im an affectionate horn dog of a woman and I lvoe my intamacy. He doesn't see anything wrong and doesn't want to talk about it. Sigh...
Ok so here comes the detailed emo rant....
I'm wondering if I'm making the right decission's. I mean. I live with him and I never see him. An hour a day. Half of it he is stoned and we dont really talk. I adore him but im finding as the days go on we have less and less in common. Maybe I'm just getting cold feet or over thinking things. I dont always do well in long term relations, I tend to pick really bad men and women and it wont last long. But things just keep getting complicated. And he never goes out and does stuff with me. I can't get him to go clubbing. He got out of work at 9. Could have gotten to haven by 10-1030 and had fun with me but chose not to. Only goes to the movies after Ive nagged to go. Its not like between the 2 of us we dont have money. Sigh, I'm just venting though so dont take anything to heart. I'm constantly meeting neew people. Going out clubbing (goth club), movies, photoshoots. And I'm all alone. I ride the horses with his mom but that doesnt make up for it. Maybe Im being flaky, maybe he is. God I hate being a libra. Im always weighting things out, over thinking. And I never get a straight answer. I adore him but I'm starting to resent him. I hate being all by my lonesome and I prefer to be all over my significant other. We dont even cuddle on the couch. Everytime I sit next to him on the couch he moves to the other one. He sleeps all the way on the other side of the bed and when I go to cuddle him in his sleep he always shifts away. Doesnt kiss me as often. Maybe moving in was hasty. Maybe I should have just gotten my own place like I wanted to with out roommates... but the price argh. sigh. Idk what is going on in my mind. But I'm given leave to do as I want too. I just don't for the most part. Flirting is one thing, kisses on cheeks because I'm allowed to. I just feel so lonely and unwanted sometimes. I want to feel wanted all the time. I do the laundry the cleaning the dishes and cook. For what? No snuggles no kisses and I get sex once a MONTH. He plays poker on his days off or if he get shome early. Am I wasting my time??
End rant
But yeah. Thats life as of late. Horses, work, home, tv, dinner on table for the bf, he comes home we est I go to bed. *shrugs*
Work has been ok. Pissy customers but thats retail for you.
