I feel sorry for everyone around me the past few days. I'm like the only person who cries BECAUSE it's Chrsitmas. and crying myself to sleep has left me rather exhausted and then cranky at work. I take most my anger out on Stuart becasue hes who i see the most and part of me blames him for my tears. In an indirct way...
To me, its his fault I lost what I did. It was a part of my life and I hate not having it. Sure I taled tough shit when she walked out of my life.. but the more I try to hate her the more I need her. If it wasnt for Stuart I wouldnt of put her as number 2 on my priority list. I know i should forget her. She obviously hated me before I fucked up. My way of life and everything.. I just wasnt good enough.......
I know it is my own fault. Im so sick of the tears though. I JUST WANT A FUCKING FRIEND WHO CARES FOR ME!! NOT WHO BUYS ME THINGS OR PRETNEDS TO BE EVERYTHING I NEED OR SOMEONE TO TALK SHIT ABOUT EVERYONE ELSE.
But a person to tell me when I mess up, someone who confides in me, someone who will even be mean to me to see me get mad that somehow leads to me smiling just like he planned to begin with. Someone who is straight forth with me and who will tell me that they disagree. Someone who tries his hardest to be at every omportant event in my life and when he cant make it he tells me how much he hates himself to me.
>> hint hint
