Kittenjust another simple fallen Angel's blog: "I just don't understand..."

Is it weird.. that I am scared.. no.. terrified.. of falling for you? Is it okay.. that my heart races.. and I shiver... when you look at me.. that.. way.. you know where your eyes caress my body.. that smile plays on your lips. and I'm left shuddering at the will of emotion? The playful banter.. the want. is it ok.. to desire this? Falling so helplessly to the beat of your heart. My body surrenders.. I'm lost. in the simplicity of your soul. surrender. to this. The will that consumes.. the innocence still hidden within.. the time of devious illusions. the lust of purity. non existence... is it ok... to be timid. the meekness of a child. the crimson caress to the flesh. never like this.. not for them.. but you.. you seem different. you made me feel alive, feel emotions I thought I lost. and Oddly, I'm growing found. of this boyie.. I desire. but still so scared.. of Falling.. for you. /Fin Samantha Castora.

It's ironic that I can move on every day and in hopes of finding something.. the search is never ending and the battle is stronger then ever, the desire to come ontop keeps me going.. but the irony.. is I've forgotten what it is exactly I'm searching for... I'm lonely but for what? I don't know.... I've become numb and distant and the thought of someone loving me is.. rough and.. just.. it doesn't seem right, I've been single a year and theres only one person I trust in my life I'd give anything to feel again... maybe... it takes time to remember.. what we're searching for.... maybe... it takes time to move past all the demons before you can let more in.. if that makes any sense..

Have you ever sat back and thought why things happen.... What races through my mind right now is why Do people play such games.... Is it fun? is it cool to try and fuck with as many people as you can... like.. haha lets fuck with her feeling cause shes not human or something? I've come across so many players and liars it makes you want to give up.... Or men who think it's fun just to mess with me because I am a bigger girl... Doesn't that make then pathetic? That they have to sit there and mess with me..... Or why is there the label of big girls being easy.. I am not easy! God!! I just want one guy to call me his one and only and be happy enough of these fucking bullshit games! Sometimes I wish I was still in highschool cause atleast then sex wasn't much of an issue.. and relationships seemed to mean something.. go figure... So.. I wonder... why do guys play games.. why can't they just come to you and say I like you! and maybe just maybe I want you to be mine!! GAH!!!!!