yeah...not something that happens alot...but tonight it did...and i crashed big time...all the stuff i've been burying for weeks came out...
I'm a father already but i'm also expecting another child with an ex...i don't want to go into the details around the ex...this isn't the place to talk about them...things just went very bad there and i got hurt really bad...she prolly did too but not near as bad as i did...and she'll never realize that...but now she's pregnant with my child...and i'm so torn now on what to do in this situation...what's the right answer...nobody can tell me that..only i can decide that...i know...but i'm still gonna feel like crap in any decision i make...you're all wondering what the heck am i talking about...i'm sure of that...she asked me if i wanna give up the rights so her new b/f can adopt...do i do that??? do i try and stick around even though i know there can't be peace between me and her...even though she's told me as much...do i turn into the worst person in the whole world and abandon my child so that he can live a somewhat normal life with a somewhat normal family...i know what it's like to be part of a split family...my parents split when i was 11...i know how it feels in that situation...God i feel horrible right now...i've cried so much tonight cuz i'm torn so badly...i don't want my son to have to go through what i went through during the split...i want him to live a life where he doesn't see fighting like he'll see if i'm around...and believe me...he will see it...you can't understand the amount of pain i've been through...a very few of you might be able to see that cuz i've talked to you about this before but NOONE can honestly see what i've had to deal with. and this isn't the place to bring drama and i'm sorry that i'm even mentioning it but i'm drunk and i need just once to vent...to say how horrible i feel...to hope someone...anyone...has some kind of wisdom to share...some words of comfort...something...because i've never felt this much pain and anguish in my life. i felt alot of pain when i got divorced but that was because of that beautiful little girl you all see in the pictures...she's the apple of my eye...she's my world...i couldn't live without her...but now i'm stuck in this other situation with a different girl who only used me a donor and told me she got what she wanted...that's fucked up...pardon my language...like i said...i'm drunk...had way too much to drink...a little hurt right now...
i'm just rambling...
ignore me i guess
peace
