Orginally written 9/27/07
I can't really explain to you what it is that I'm going thru
Lots of sleepless nights tossin and turning cuz I haven't quite figured out what I'm suppose to do
Trying to find a solution cuz damn right now its a little confusin'
Never giving to much emotion cuz that's too much exposure
Hard to let you in fearful that my heart may get broken
I don't mean to be hard just can't deal with my emotions being harmed
Traveled down that road and it's taken quite a toll but I'm gone let the dice roll, willin to take another chance
in hopes that I can have some true romance
I don't mean to clown cuz I know that gets you down
I have to step back and just calm the hell down
Gotta let things flow cuz I really don't want you to go
Been feelin this too long so I'm going to continue to stay strong
No negative thoughts cuz I don't want this to end up my fault
So I'm going to stay in my place with some style and some grace
This is not a race so why am I trying to speed up the pace?
Won't take this for granted cuz I know there is no room for anymore chances
Finally saying what I mean cuz at some point I knew I was gonna have to come clean
I have so much on my brain right now that I'm feeling the strain, and a little bit of pain, trying to sort thru a few things before I start crying out like tumultuous rain.
Trying to seek out what's in store I know I need more but don't want to feel like I'm trying to keep score but tired of feeling like I'm missing out on so much more
As the years have went by I appear to have been doing fine, but find myself wanting to whine because it seems like I'm running out of time
Never really wanting to stress to much sometimes people get tired of you, because you might appear you're complaining to much
Now that I'm getting older I've been looking back and seeing how many things had gotten outta order
Took control of my life because I was tired of the trife from folks who claim they got you but when it came down to it forgot all about me
So much on the brain to the point that I may have to refrain some of the many thoughts before folks start to wonder..."has she gone insane?"
Not trying to really dwell on that for too long because in the end God never steers you wrong
But still so much on the brain, I sometimes want to scream out can't you sometimes feel my pain!!! But nevertheless, I keep most thoughts to myself this is the only way that I can sometimes vent
The pen in my hand has a mind of its own my words start to flow so I don't have to show my soul that's why I chose to put it on paper and just let it go
So much on my brain this is why I do this to keep me sane
I have never asked much
I have never wanted much ....
I have never thought as myself as being selfish ....
I was told that I give 1000% of myself but never get the same in return....
I can’t help that, it’s just the way that I am, do I get hurt as a result of giving so much? ....
More times than not, yes. ....
I can’t help but give 1000% that’s just me, anyone that knows me knows this to be true....
I grew up with I love you’s, hugs, and kisses everyday growing up ....
I can’t help that I say I love you, for one when I say it MEAN it, and the second reason is I’m not promised tomorrow and if I leave this earth today at least you know that I love you....
I can’t help that even though I may be mad at the moment or hurt, my feelings never change....
I don’t like hurting people, especially those I love that is the last thing I want to do ....
And when I find out that I have and of course not intentionally ....
I carry that burden like you would never even imagine because it hurts me that I’ve hurt someone ....
I can’t help that I would go to the ends of the earth to make it right that’s who I am ....
I can’t help that I’m compassionate, caring, doting, considerate, that’s who I am ....
I can’t help that I don’t show a lot of emotion, when I have I get hurt and left picking up the piece....
I can’t help but be who I am, some may say this or that but those who really know me ....
Tell me I’m the sweetest person, with the biggest heart who is never selfish and who is always there when we need you no matter what it is....
I just wish someone else could see that ....