MY Daughter
you ever make a wish when your young that you would have better parents than the one's you have or wish your friends parents were really your parents because they nicer and better looking.
Some people without understanding why, become those dream parents or in my case parent I did not know that till recently.
everyday I look at my daughter and how close we are how if she had a problem or wanted to know anything no matter how ugly the truth really is i would tell her and I get along with her friends they think I'm funny I wish I was the sexy mom but the funny mom will do.
My daughter is everything I wanted to be. funnny, has friends and is involved in her teachers, friends and school she's in clubs and she is happy and nobody makes fun of her for being fat she's not shy and reserved like me and she is happy as happy as a 15 year old can be.
what did i do right was it the hugs the security that she was loved was it the frank and honest talks about everything from the abuse the coldness of my upbringing the mental breakdowns my past sexual activity,the drugs i did and the consiquences of my past actions how even though I don't regret them I let her know if I could have made better decisions I would have. I told her my thoughts about things made sure she was understood them and let her make some of her own decisions as I felt she was mature enuff to make them she's a whole person and am so glad I was part of that.
Me on the other hand I don't believe I will ever be a whole person I am too broken and wounded to ever be fixed If anything should happen that I would never see her again I am confident that she has all the tools to make it in the world with out me I would die very content I did something good I would be sad not to be there but content still I'm not afraid to go this may be morbid but I know I'm not afraid to go I know I will never find the real happiness I so long for here but I know with complete and utter insight she will get that happiness I will never know
