I am not allowed to show my feelings
I am not allowed to cry
I walk tall
I hate the look in others
As they look at me
Like they are better than me
It is so easy for them to make a judgment
What gives them the right to judge me
Who has the right to judge my rights or wrongs?
I recognize my ways and know I am not perfect
I stand here knowing that I hurt many
I killed many
I fixed many
I saved many
Do all my good deeds make up for the murders?
I stand here ready to hear the final judgment
I got a feeling that I will never make it to heaven
I made my decision to live
I know it was wrong to take the lives
I listened to the gasps and heard the screams
The bullets going in
Nothing compared to the blade
As it slid in I watched the eyes turn blank
Heard the gasps as I closed my own eyes
I am to fix them yet I need to live too
Am I right to want to live another day?
I never agreed to murder others
I agreed to caring for the sick and injured
As I sit here I think about the nights I have
I never sleep because I see it all and hear it
There is nothing like the feeling of the blood all over you
The sounds of the screams
The smell of death
The sights in my sleep I wake up in cold sweats
I jump all the time and can’t be around many things
Dear Father please let me in those gates
I think I suffered enough down here
I think that I have done a lot of good here
Please let me home
I didn’t murder out of cold blood
It was me or them I swear I tried not to do it
I needed to save others so please forgive me